hi im not and havnt been in this situation but i do have a step daughter who comes every wend fri-sun, we didnt see her when i was preg and she only started coming over again after lo was born, she now 9m. we have weekdays together just the 3 of us but shes family simple as. i would say to you if this is how you are feeling you should maybe ask that the first week you have your new lo your sd doesnt actually stay over just comes for the day then you can have that special time alone and she wont feel left out, you are going to be knackered so it isnt much to ask any way. besides when your lo does arrive its good to have someone who kind of shares your los mind set if you kno what i mean. i was v apprehensive when my sd started coming again we hadnt seen her for 2yrs (its comp). my lo LOVES her sis and the minute she walks thru the door lo sets off laughing like she NEVER does withy me its lovely to hear. you will be fine its the hormones at the mo hun. hth xxx

Hi, I  know where your coming from, DF has a 6 year old daughter from a previous marriage and our LO is 4 weeks old.  You have to think about/remember a few things and ask yourself some simple questions...

When you got together and you knew about his daughter what decision did you make, remembering they come as a package!

You are essentially asking him to give up one child for the other, would you!?

I know it will be tough and you'll both be tired but what would you do if hypothetically his daughter was actually your first child together?

How do you think his first child would feel towards your child if he did give up his time with her?

Remeber you are only thinking about 1 child, he has 2 to think about so this issue is really yours, try putting yourself in his place and ask yourself how you'd feel and what you'd do.

I asked myself the same questions when I found out i was pregnant and decided that as i alreadt treat DF first child as my own this wouldn't change when i had my own child.  I accepted they came as a package and the fact that he fights to spend time with her actually shows me how great a father he'll be to our own daughter. Essentially when his first daughter ome to stay we are a family and it makes no difference to me that she's not biologically mine.  I want her to have a positive relationship with her sister (don't like the term half sister).

I will admit that I still have concerns that my daughter could end up missing out as his time with his first daughter is 'protected' in that he refuses to work away when she's staying and will do everything he can to make sure he finishes early on these days etc but during the rest of the week he doesn't mind working away.  However we've talked about it and come to the conclusion as we are both aware of it that we will work to make sure this doesn't become an issue in future! To be honest when his daughter stays we work as a normal family so everyone gets to spend time with everyone, works for us!

At the end of the day it's never an easy place to be, you have to be sure of where you are and where you want to be. ask yourself the questions and go to your OH with your thoughts, keep communication between you open and make sure that you only ask of him what you would be prepared to do yourself.

Sorry if I sound like i'm preaching, I'm not, just trying to share what i had to do.

hth

Hi i know exactly what you mean we have 9 month old twins together but my partner has a 4 yr old daughter from a previous relationship. We went through the courts though because of how his ex was at not allowing contact however once the girls arrived we knew things needed to change. Luckily my partner was with me on this one but i can fully understand that your partner does probably feel like his daughters going to be pushed out. We used to have her every weekend sat 11 till sunday 5.30, however this totally took overo ur weekend we couldnt really do anything as saturday we got to my partners mums so it only left sunday. Around a month ago we decided at court to have contact fortnighlty but we pick her up from school friday and drop her back at school monday morning, it means shes gets a good length of quality time when shes here but also that we can do family things on our own and once we drive i would like to be able to go away for the weekend and things. I would say leave the discussion now as the previous lady said and if you still feel the same once baby is here then mention it again. It is probably likely your partner will understand what you mean once the babies here. Hope you get it sorted x

Having been in your situation I can understand where you're coming from, but the reality is you're expecting him to see his daughter less because of your baby.  Remember that his daughter is not with you a lot of the time, so it'll just the 3 of you then.  You're daughter wont miss out.  I do know what it's like to want to go out & do family things with just the 3 of you though - you will get that time, don't worry.  Things come up and extra time will come about.  I am pretty suprised that your sd's mum doesn't ever spend any time with her on a weekend though - when do they have any family time? 

I had a lit of arguments with my partner when my ds arrived about this.  Our problem was that ss was quite naughty, our weekends were spent stressed out.  After I went to back to work full time the weekend was the only time I had with my ds & I ss behaviour ruined it.  In the end I refused to have him (used to be Friday night until Sunday night) both weekend days.  It makes you feel awful, but I hardly saw my ds as it was - then when I did I spent it telling off ss...I couldn't cope!!  SS grew out of his naughty period, things are much better now. 

Things change when baby arrives...it's much, much harder having 2 children to look after compared to 1.  You're partner mgith decide to postpone then time his daughter arrives on a Saturday anyway.  You might not feel bothered that she's there all weekend anyway.  Leave the discussion for now, see how things are when baby arrives.  I'm sure if you still feel the same having sd from 3/4pm, instead of 12, wont be a problem - I think your partner has just got defensive as he thinks you're trhying to push out his daughter.  Things will work out - EVERYTHING will change after baby comes!!  Good luck

Hiya, this has been playing on my mind for a while and i have no-one to talk to about this so i hope u guys can give me some advice i'm 20 and my fiancee is 35, he has a 8 year old daughter from his previous relationship who he sees every tues, thurs and we have her all weekend  every weekend (from 12 on a saturday untill 6 on sunday evening) My baby is due in december and i asked that maybe once the baby is born every other saturday we not pick his daughter up untill the evening just so that we can spend some time together me him and the baby and he thinks this is unfair!! i know that i knew when i got with him that he spent alot of time with his daughter and i love spending time with her too its just i want my first child to have some one on one time with me and her dad just like his daughter did when she was a baby. its getting me down because i feel so selfish but him spending so much time with his daughter isn't bothering me its just that its every weekend and i think that its too much. wot do u guys think?