Hiya i fully understand what you mean, i have a 4 year old step daughter. Shes starting to play me and dp off against each toehr but thats another story lol. I dont think our partners realise sometimes just how hard it can be looking after someone elses child. I find it extremely difficult and i agree so much harder because of what his ex is like. As for the partys i agree it should be his mum doing a party with the friends he goes to school with etc, afterall unless you have children in the family if you was to do one who would u invite. We now have twin girls and i will be doing for my girls what i want to do, they probably will have a party/tea party every year and i will spoil them but their my children to do that with. ss,sd mums should do the same for them. I know exactly what you mean about how it always falls back to us thats in the wrong 2. x

thats a big help hun thanks its good to know that someone understands where im coming from, i have been a stepmum for 3yrs now its not getting any easier, the cheek of her sending a pic and a little message,i say its not fair on ss putting him through it looking like he has no friends he will be more hurt,i know dp is trying to compensate  for his son having a not very good mum but he has to stop taking it out on me coz i love my kids very much,I have tried to love ss but it doesnt come easy he doesnt like me at all you can see he has always wanted his mum and dad back together he tries to sabotage our relationship by being difficult,i try and just get on with it and dont mention things much anymore coz it ends up being my fault whch i have to say im used to now lol wish we could just have a normal family,3yrs on the run i have been made out to be a cow and im not at all i just think it should be down to his mum to throw a party with his friends if his mum made more effort with him he wouldnt be so jelous of mine and what about when he is to old for a tea party he is 11 afterall do i have to stop throwing my kids parties.

i love this forum i can get things off my chest without a blazing row.xx

Hi hun

Have to agree with you, he should be having a party at home with his friends like most children do. You need to sit and discuss with your partner and come to an agreement on how to deal with it as there are obviously issues. Children usually celebrate their birthdays with thier friends and i cant see any reason your ss would be any different. I dont think its fair that you should come under fire for throwing a party for your own children, who else is going to do it???

If you have never really got on with ss but try to treat him as your own then you have done your best. It took my hubby a good number of years to realise that i had tried to treat my sd as my own but it isnt easy if you have a child you dont warm to particularly if the ex is a nightmare. Men dont seem to realise when women are being manipulative and i had to spell it out in no uncertain terms to hubby that he wasnt with his ex anymore so did not have to jump when she said. Whats the worst that she could do??

I have a 14yr sd and 3 children of my own, i have always done parties for my children, they are all within a month of each other so we always have a weekend party with friends and family. We dont often have my sd for her birthday and because its close to christmas its not always easy to get family over and all her friends live back home 2 hours away so they cant come. I dont do her a party but do sometimes invite family over.

I did invite my friend and her kids over one year for her but all the kids were playing upstairs and werent really interested in food and cake so it was a bit non eventful. A week later the ex sent pics of sd celebrating her birthday with her friends and came with the "this is how to celebrate a birthday". 

I try not to worry now coz as a step parent im always wrong whatever i do and as long as i try to include sd in our family thats all anyone can ask.

sorry for waffling hope it helps xxx

I have a stepson who has just turned 11yrs old we have him every wkend never really got on with him but treat him as my own, an issue with birthdays has come about and the fact i dont throw him a party but do my own 2 kids 21months and 7 yrs,i have tried to explain to dp that its not coz i dont want to but his son has no friends he is a loaner so has nobody to invite and this yr we got married 2 days after ss birthday so it was near impossible to throw a party,so when i mentioned doing the 2 younger kids a joint party coz their bdays are 20 days apart all hell broke loose,i understand what he is sayin but due to cercumstance it couldnt be helped and i feel that his own mum should be throwing him a party with his mates from school rather than it falling to me all the time that sounds horrible but he never says anything bad about his mum not doing her bit just me, i w ant to treat him like my own but its not the same as the others i wish dp would understand that.