HI Hun,

Just wanted to let you know that my DS went through a stage from about 4 weeks of waking up at 2am then going back off till 4am but then staying awake till about 06:30.  This went on for about 3 wks but soon settled back down again.  He is now 9 wks and going about 7-8 hours in the night, last night from 10:30 till 6am.

One thing I discovered was when I got bubs up to feed him if I layed him in the bed next to me (as opposed to holding him) and lined him up for a feed he would munch away and then we would both just doze back off again for a couple of hours and if he woke before that he was pretty much still lined up with my nipple and i could just latch him on again, within 2-3 sucks he would doze back off again.

I do use a dummy and give him bottles of expressed milk and have done since he was about a week old and have never had any issues with nipple confusion, he doesn't really care what vessle the food comes in just as long as it comes lol

S xx

That sounds so much like my oh! When she was born he couldn't understand why I couldn't express bottles for him to give her and he admitted he felt left out. We were lucky and didn't have nipple confusion and she started taking expressed milk at 7 weeks. Oh used to hand me the pump and say 'she needs more milk' and I used to say 'well, I'll feed her then'! It was hard trying to explain that it was my job to feed her but as soon as we got the hang of feeding I would make sure he had a bottle everyday for her. Sometimes it would only be 2-3oz but it helped him feel involved! As for dummies I hate them and always said I would never give her one and it didn't matter how much she cried. She soon found her thumb to soothe herself. Another problem we had was that oh wanted her to do things she was just nowhere near ready to do and said she was boring as she didn't do anything! She is 6 months next week [the time flies!] and he is still a bit left out but he realises that feeding her milk is my job and now she is weaning he is in charge of giving her breakfast which he loves. He admits that he wanted to rush her into doing things so he could play with her and wanted to change to formula as I was 'tired'! Men feel a bit lost I think and feel like a spare part. I knew this at the time but it was only when we had a chat about it that I realised just how left out he was feeling. Keep on with the breastfeeding if thats what you want to do. They really grow so quickly so just enjoy it! x

sounds like your lo is doing exactly as a 4 week old should do; and you are being the pefect caring mummy.  keep up the fantastic work and don't EVER let anyone stop you from bf before you or your lo is ready.  men have to face the fact that bf-ing is only something a mother can do and that's the way nature intended it. 

you could try and get your oh involved in other ways like bathing; taking lo for a walk while you rest.  your oh could even get up with lo in the morning while you lie in after being awake at night.  or he may just want to let your lo sleep on his chest.  that's great for both of them bonding. 

good luck.  hugs.  xx

re the dummy, he cant understand why i get upset when she cries when i wont even try a dummy, i tried to explain the nipple confusion and also how against giving her one i am anyway, i dont think he gets it.

he says all she ever does is sleep feed or cry, seems to think with a dummy she will sit there wide awake and responsive, he cant understand why she is not like this ive told him if he thinks that he is expecting way too much too soon, she is only 4 weeks and is bound to spend most of the time asleep feeding or crying we should just be grateful shes asleep more than shes crying!

anyway thanks a lot for listening it is good to get some support and reinforcement.

xx

thanks guys, well after a day of crying (me not the baby!) we have kind of discussed it, he thought i was only bf for a few weeks then going onto bottles, so ive tried to explain that in a few weeks i will be able to express and then he will be able to feed her occasionally, i think hes feeling left out and wants to take her out etc but obviously cant while i am exclusively bf.

Men are a bit stupid sometimes and you have to explain to them that you need them to only say supportive things about breastfeeding. I had to do this with mine and he was much better after our talk. But try to talk to him in a rational, sensible was or he'll just think you're being an emotional woman!

You're doing BRILLIANTLY, it is really, really tough but once you get through the first 6 weeks, things do get easier, I promise!

Also, I used a dummy AND tried ff but didn't make any difference so just excepted things as they were and that made it easier to cope. I did sleep train him at 8 months tho. Maybe if you tell oh this, it'll help!

Hi there I would just like to say I think you are doing a fantastic job with b/f and don't see why you should give it up. I'm the same as you though my ds will be 5 months next week he has never had a dummy. I don't judge people using them but I just don't want to give my ds one plus with dummy's and b/f it can get them mixed up as they suck differently with a dummy.

Are you sure your partner isn't feeling left out? I know my dp did at the start so what I was doing was expressing some milk and letting dp give him 1 bottle feed at night and he loved it and it also meant I was increasing my milk too. Even now my dp gives him the odd bottle... you could give that a try?

Explain to your dp that you don't want tro stop and that the b/f is going well. Also with all b/f babies they do feed on demand, it's just the way it is. I'd also let him know that for alot of women everywhere b/f can be very hard and sadly some don't even get a choice but to formula feed so really we are the lucky ones.

Sorry if It's not much help but I really do think your doing wonderfully and don't see why you should stop.

xxxxxx Libs + Garry

hi hun

no bloody way you keep doing your fantastic job hun dont let him make you feel pressured my husband loves the fact that im feeding our baby girl and would never dream of saying that to me we have had real bad nights literally up al night and im the one that has said i think she may need a bottle and getting really upset he needs to support you please stay strong and do the best for your baby get back to me and let me know how you get on or need any advice

take care hun louise xx

hi would just like some words of support please as i feel im not getting enough from oh.

we had a bad night last night, lo was awake for 3 hours between 1 and 4, this is the first night we have had like this so i think everything has been going quite well really.

while trying to settle her, oh asked when we would be able to give her a bottle (she is only 4 weeks old), i said not yet, he has made comments in the past about whether she is feeding too much, not getting enough, using my boobs as a dummy etc.  so i asked why he was so obsessed with getting her on a bottle, he said well i think she would just be better on a bottle with a dummy in her mouth.

i now feel gutted, as i was really pleased bf has been going well and i am seriously against giving a dummy except if she really really seemed to need it which i dont think she does, she is usually quite content.

please help, should i let him have her way or carry on doing what i think is the best?