mum to be angry at the csa valuation of our family
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- mum to be angry at the csa valuation of our family
8/8/08 13:22
7/8/08 19:04
It is all wrong and shes probably filled the childs head with a load of rubbish. I hope you get on ok and do keep us updated. Good luck x
7/8/08 12:41
to be honest its such a shock at the moment we dont know. I would think that if she does turn out to be his then yes but how on earth do you explain to a child of that age that we knew nothing about her and god knows what her mother has told her.I do know the mother is on benefits but dont know where she lives or anything like i said we had to ask the CSA her name(the childs and date of birth)i just do not understand how a mother after all these years can just pop up and say hi you are the daddy surely this woman should take some responsibility in the fact that she should of been in touch all those years ago ? Its all very well for people to slate the fathers that do a runner but what about this woman she told nobody
7/8/08 12:23
For the previous post his ex has probably got to a point in her life where she has no money so now thinks shes the right to come and get some from him. To be honest my point is if the father doesnt see the child through not fault of his own but because hes been stopped for no good reason i.e like your husband who doesnt even know he has a child because she never told him why should they be made to pay for a child they dont see through no fault of there own. Is it really fair? x
I wouldnt pay anything until i had the dna test done though, you could always just put the money to the side incase it does turn out hes the ftaher will he be seeking legal advice to get contact with the child if shes his? x
7/8/08 10:39
hi there im new to this and you probuably going to shoot me down in flames, but here goes im a mum of 4 kids and been married to my hubby for 11 years on monday we had a call from the CSA telling us my hubby is the father of a 13 year old girl and they want 34 pounds a week starting from monday of which they can take off my tax credits.
What i want to know as the claim is starting from monday is why this woman has waited 13 years to inform us he may be the daddy (yes we are going for a DNA) the CSA wont tell us where she is the only reason we know her name is because the CSA told us - she has never contacted my husband in 13 years to tell him he might be the father so yes we will pay if she is his i will get rid of my phone and make lower payments to some things so as my kids dont suffer and no we dont have a good income.But how can this woman come along 13 years later and turn our world upside down why didnt she come forward before i take it she doesnt want a father for her child just money tell me is this fair.
5/8/08 13:31
hi i only read the first page but if it hasnt been said already the mum who is unemployed on benefits taking money from her partner abroard and from some other bloke is commiting benefit fraud. you have to claim any extra money over 20pounds a week which is deducted from your benefits pound for pound after that. it isnt fair you are right. if you were to report her, they would spy on her for a bit make sure. they did this to me when i got married in canada to my kids canadian father then came back. cause he is saving for his visa and cant suppport us. i just finished a year at college doing gcses and im going to go to work soon i hope with 2 babies under two and if i can manage you will. it is opriority. when my hubbie comes over i look forward to working weekends and going back to college during the week and him working nights. then i can have we the luxuries again. i cant even get credit cause altho im a britt born and rauised my parents moved to canada for 7 years and came back when i was 18 in 2006. so i have to live here longer apparently which i find stupid. anyways id deffo report that girl. good luck and also maybe work from home as a childminder. i do think you deserve a holiday.
29/7/08 09:47
Ive read through the posts and agree with a lot of whats been said on both sides. I cant say we live in povery but what really annoys me is how dps ex is claiming state benefits when her daughter is at nursery and going into full time school in september so she could quite easily get a part time job. She gets more a week than my dp does for working and can even afford to buy 20 cigarettes a day! My partner has to smoke tobacco cos we cant afford to do that!
Yet every week she says shes skint has no money for this and that, she lives at her grandmas and pays £20 a week board so how can she be skint!! She expects us to pay for other things on top of her maintenance, i.e when she got a house we were expected to put half towards her bedroom furniture. Ex doesnt give us money to put furniture in her bedroom here.
We also applied for a residency order which we would have got and are still getting if she stops contact again but like youve said if she lived with us would we get CSA from her. I think not she wouldnt give us a penny.
Its just some of the things that really get my goat up, then we get the comment from her well the twins get this and the twins get that! Yes but we get money for them like she gets money for her child. A lot of it is all wrong and not worked out fairly. It also comes to something when you find youd both be better off not working and would have more money but thats a debate in itself lol!
Vix x
28/7/08 23:12
Thanks M.
.Jo x
28/7/08 22:48
No probs, hope it does good. Let me know as I can apply it to my little lot ( and I can send you a nice bottle of Merlot
) Best wishesM x
28/7/08 22:29
M, Yes I see what you mean, I will look into it. Thanks for that. Jo x
28/7/08 22:09
Jowooster
Hope you don't mind, I've copied a page from a law firm regarding payment of child maintenance? If I've read it correctly (and there's no guarantee I have!) you only have to pay maintenance if the child stays on at school i.e. sixth form to do A levels and not if they go to an "external" college. Don't know if this will be of any use to you, hope I'm not sticking my nose in lol. Ok, it should appear below as a paste ( bit of a technophobe)
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However, 16 is the minimum age where child maintenance can stop. Between the ages of 16 and 19, if the child is enrolled full-time in school (more than 12 hours per week and the course is up to and including A level), child maintenance for the child must be paid. This does not apply to advanced study, like study at a college or university, this only includes non-advanced study. Although a child may have several long breaks, the non-custodial parent still owes child maintenance during school breaks. If the child leaves full-time schooling in the summer, the non-custodial parent generally owes child support until the first week of September, of that year.
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M x
28/7/08 21:28
M, We have to pay til she is 19 if in education, but it's not too long away now. However hubby gets made redundant in April next year, so we will have to see what happens then. Watch this space.
My Mum used to make home made wine, it was good. I just might just give it a go. lol.
regards. Jo
28/7/08 19:58
Draconia- I am not a "miss know it all" and have not claimed to be. I asked a reasonably valid question, even apologised in advanced if I was mistaken. In my second post, I clearly said that it wasn't directed at anyone who had posted but my first hand experience.
You have demonstrated yourself that your oh ex lives well, just as I had written about people I know. I appreciate that it is unfair (as also previously said) and can be one sided. It is also unfair and uncalled for to direct your misplaced anger at me. I have stated facts, nothing else, no personal attacks against you and I'd appreciate the same courtesy in return.
Jowooster
Similar age to mine then on the DSD front. Hope she's not as rebellious as mine?! At least, without meaning to sound harsh, your legal maintenance obligation for her will be ending when she starts college?
No such luck in persuading my dh to have the snip, I was sterilised! I'm 39 though and don't want anymore children ( had traumatic birth, still not recovered one year on, put me off for life) .
M x ( P.S, Wine is ok as long as it's homemade
) 28/7/08 12:13
They are 15 and 16 now, DSD will be going to college this year and DSS will be in last year a secondary school.
We just pay maintenence tbh, we did use to pay more in the past. We just pay for stuff when they are here. I suppose it depends on the situation and how fair the ex is to your situation. I believe it would always be in best interest to work things out between those involved instead of getting the csa involved, as this can cause a lot of resentment, as you have seen. lol
DSD wants to live here too. Thats fine with us but we have no room. Only have 3 bedroomed house with 4 lo's in it, aged 6, 4 x2 and 1 year old. We had the latest addition after a failed vestectomy!!!
It is hard at times and can be 1sided.
Regards
jo.
28/7/08 12:11
same here. no nice furniture, no new stuff, no new phones, no posh gnosh food or eating out just basics, no car, no luxuries and not a holiday in four years.
dps first ex has been away four times already this year, and goes manchester every weekend on the p***. the second one, has just had a new car, oh and the child is scruffy as anything while she walks round in the finest gold chains and addidas tracksuits. and shes had two holidays this year as well, and another one her mum is paying for.
so again, we're in poverty, barely able to meet bills, but they get to live like queens. p*** take.
i'd love a widescreen tv instead of a 19inch portable. i'd love my own pc instead of using my mums, i'd love a new phone once in a while and new clothes for us all. but hey the csa give that money to those b***es so they can spend spend spend. and they dont even spend it on the children they get it for.
so wheres the justice in that miss know all?
28/7/08 12:02
Just to add, we don't smoke or have the lastest trainers? We do have a tv, not the big posh ones that your talking about though, however dh's ex had one of those.
I do enjoy a glass of wine though, is that ok. lol
Regards Jo.
28/7/08 11:54
Jowooster
Yes I agree, your situation is unfair, as a lot of others are.
In my case recently, my dh's ex has been suggesting that my stepdaughter comes and lives with us. The sad reality is that she is obviously no use to his ex now ( has just turned 16 and is rebelling). His ex has had 3 more children with different partners, the youngest being just a few weeks old. She is saying she can't cope with stepdaughter etc (but still went on to have three more children
). Stepdaughter lives in London and to be honest she has far more opportunities there than coming to live with us in the back of beyond. Not that she wants to move here anyway because of her boyfriend/friends/school etc so that would also be unfair on her. My point is, I asked dh if she did live with us, would we receive any maintenance from his ex? We both know the answer is a resounding "no". She is still in secondary education so legally, I think I'm right, maintenance is obliged to be paid until they leave. Seems to only work in one favour doesn't it??How old are you stepchildren btw? Do you pay over and above for clothes, shoes etc? Dp's ex seems to think that we should provide all of this as well as pay for holidays, spends, pocket money AND contribute when they go on holiday with their mum (and latest partner). We have so far paid it but I must admit sometimes I have begrudged it. We had a lo ourselves last year ( my first and last) so, yes I agree, when you have your own it does seem more unfair. Even though we haven't struggled as such ( not that we're rolling in it mind) it's the principle as well.
Regards
M x
28/7/08 11:33
Of course we have to prioritise, we seriously wouldn't manage if we didn't. Our broadband by the way is free.
When we started a family together, 6 years ago we could afford to pay csa and live quite well ourselves, as we both worked full time in decent jobs. However after my first child, I then had a set of twins, so had to give my job up. This is when it started to go wrong. dh's ex payments went down, which of course she didn't like. She then closed case, waited 13 weeks re-applied to csa and then got on new system. Payments went up by over £200. Our situation had not changed, she was able to change the rules when it didn't suit.
So yes, I do believe that the system can be unfair to some situations. Don't get me wrong it's not the childrens fault and we have a great relationship, but I do feel sad that my children do at times lose out on the deal.
28/7/08 11:13
Hi Jowooster
It is of course, a different situation if people are using pcs'/ paying for broadband if it is there anyway for work purposes. I fail to understand though, through my experiences of knowing people personally (I am not aiming this at any poster on bounty) the situation I am addressing.
I know people who plead poverty and bemoan thier lot whilst smoking 20 cigarettes a day, each having a mobile phone, the latest trainers, the widest screen tv etc. These people also complain about the amount of maintenance paid to oh children and how unfair it is.
So I think I have a valid point in questioning it. As previously mentioned I and my dh also pay maintenance for his other two children and have done for 8years alongside paying for clothes and holidays. I have sometimes slightly begrudged the amount but it has to be paid so there is nothing to be gained, in my situation, from complaining about it.
We have been lucky financially (through good jobs and the property market helping us at just the right time.) So, perhaps you are right, maybe I would see it differently if we struggled to pay the bills. I know though, that should we at some point struggle, luxuries like broadband, mobiles would be some of the first things to go.
Regards
M x
27/7/08 22:47
Moraitika, we do have trouble paying for bills and putting food on the table, seriously.
DH works in IT and has to work from home part of the week, hence the pc.
We have paid maintanence for 12 years, it has only been an issue that last few years, when we were left in impossible situation by CSA. With respect if you were having difficulties paying bills, you may look at it differently?
Although we have a pc, we do miss out on holidays and other luxuries etc. DH's ex, however does not.
my dp hasnt seen his son since he was 3. hes about 8 now, 9 this year, and i darent even imagine what hes been told. i'd never bad mouth a dad to his kids. but women do seem to take the p*** sometimes. i would have thought the csa would have told her get f***ed after 13 years - she can manage 13years then wants to nail him? wtf? dps ex claimed csa when she chucked him out for another bloke, but it was rejected even tho its defo his. it was only a few months after the other cow claimed out of spite (saw us together and the next day put a claim in) that the csa said they would be taking money for the son as well, which i dont get, how can they say, well no you cant get maintenence off him then a few years later change their mind?
seriously, may the founder of the whole thing rot in hell...