I meant to add there are some reasons why some mums have no choice but to stop access where there child is at danger or theres drugs etc but there are a lot of cases where its not the case

Hi im coming from a different perspective again to the previous posters lol.

Me and my partner currently have twin daughters together however he also has a 4yr old daughter with his ex. We have been going to court for the past 4 yrs because she just will not accept that he wants to see his daughter. We have had many a battle and been through the courts and even got court orders to state she has to give contact but she still stops it of her own accord for no reason just that she doesnt want her to come, more down to jealousy than anything and she cant move on even after 4 yrs of them not been together she just likes to make our life a misery which we wnt give her the satisfaction ofdoing anymore.

If your brother has parental responsibilty she has to allow him access, hes allowed to be part of the decisions of nursery and schools etc they have to come to a joint decision.

A judge will not in any case look at if the father is paying maintenance. It is a total different matter and we have had many a judge say that the matter of maintenance is with the CSA they will not deal with it! I know this because many a time when weve been to court hes asked if he could buy things for his daughter instead of giving her the money and just keep the receipts as proof because shes always spenfing it on fags and beer.

He defiantely has a right to the his child, it would be great if they could sit down and talk about it together as adults for the child but in a lot of cases when it comes to past relationships the mother cannot do this (in some cases the father also buggers off). When a couple ahve a child it is something they share after all it was made by both of them so why should it be the mother who has all the ruling and says what she can and cannot do and what the child can/cant do and who lo can see.

If its not possible for them to sit down and talk about then i would defiantely go see a solicitor and get the ball rolling as soon as possible, unfortunately we left it over a year as he didnt want to have to drag his daughter through the courts but was left with no choice but to do it. We still get weekends where she decides we cnt see her or we have to change all our plans for her which is difficult now we have twin daughters of our own, but last time we were at court the judge has ordered she has to give him contact otherwise he will grant residency to the father as its in the childs best interests.

As for him taking lo to see his parents there is nothing she can do about it, he can take lo where he wants to see who he wants as long as its safe etc and no drugs adn things. This was another problem we ahd with his ex and when brought before a judge she was told she takes lo where she wants and he can do the same and doesnt even have to tell her.

Sorry if that was a bit long it just gets my goat up sometimes when mothers do this with their children i can put my hand on heart and say i would never do what she has done to my dp as much as i might hate him if we split up, you have to think of the best interests of the child these women do it to hurt the father! x

I think I feel slightly differently to the previous posters.. As a single mum who's raising her kids without any interest from their father, I think it's brilliant that your brother is so hands on (or tries to be) with his baby. It does make me very ashamed of the female species when one of them behaves like this as it just seems ungrateful in my eyes...

Yes, we are hormonal and unreasonable (me more than any I suspect!!), especially after having a baby - but as mothers we need to put our children's needs first and not our own personal feelings towards their dads.

So.. my advice is that he does need to try and sit down with the baby's mum and ask her to work out a regular schedule for him to see the baby and take him/her to your parents' house. If she won't agree, he does have parental responsibility as he's on the birth certificate and so can go to a family solicitor and apply for a Contact Order. That would set out so many days a week that he can see the baby and she will be legally bound to adhere to it. It's not the most pleasant route to go down, but it works.

Hope it all gets sorted soon.

i agree with the person below me. the other i think it great you can have such a gd relationship with your ex and come to a reasonable agreement, but that is not always the case.

i am pregnant with my 1st baby (wasnt planned) at 1st the dad didnt want to no at all told me to have abortion but i said i didnt want anything off him if he doesnt want to no then its his loss. the he turns up at my 12 week scan saying he wants to be involved so i let him, havent heard off him since until 2 days ago (just before my 20week scan) sayin what time shud he meet me at hospital for the scan.

ive told him not to because i feel if he wants to be involved great but actually ask how everything is goin once in a while, if not then walk away now.

he already told me he wont be at the birth because my due date is to close to his birthday and he will be celebrating that.

my mum has been a great support and i cudnt of done it without her, she is the 1 comin wiv me to the birth so i think its fair if she comes to scan with me. am i being unfair? i dont live near the dad as i moved back to be closer to my family. he isnow sayin tht if i dont take the baby to his house after the birth he wil turn up with his whole family to see the baby, thing is when ive just given birth last place i want to be sat is at his house i want to be at home. ive never meet any of his family so therefore i dont see why i shud let them all in2 my home wen ive just given birth.

am i being unreasonable. to be honest i no longer want him involved in this babys life because it seems to me like he doesnt really care.

sorry to babble on lol but advice wud be greatfully recieved

How close are you? Is he telling you the full story?

It seems odd that at first she was agreeable to him taking the baby out and then she changes her mind without something causing this. you say they have argued, could he be making her feel scared aboyut something.

Totally agree with the last poster about sitting down and talking, if they can sort it out without anyone else helping - fab!

You also need to realise she's just had a bloody baby! She will be emotional/unreasonable - its hard, especially on your own - i've been there! There's not only sorting out each other and the baby, there's thinking 'what will hapeen when 3rd partys come into the situation' etc. Dont be too hard on her until you know for sure whats gong on. its better all round that you get on for the sake of the baby. I you start making her feel alieated then no way will she want to leave her baby alone with you or allow the baby to come to your house alone.

PR doesnt mean much. if he is forced to go through the family court route he needs to make sure he keeps paying and maintaining access to be ranted proper access.

But try not to think in terms of money. A few times you say 'he's always paid' - so what, so he should.  baby is not to be bought. i bet whatever he pays is no were near enough to keep the child fed, clothed and housed.

And to the last poster, you dont need to sign anything, a contract can never leally exist between family members in the eyes of the law. Just be aware of your 'plans' that once you both have other partners on the scene they may have to change, so make this consideration and agree on boundaries, i.e; how much like a 'dad and mum' would you want the new partners to be? When should they be introduced and as what?' If other kids come along how will that affect this one? You may think it not relevant, but things can change so quickly! x x

this is why i hate women!!!

and i am one lol

now i was talking to a man at citizens advice for my ex to find out his rights (we wana chuck them in my mothers face and say ha he does have more legal right than u so suck it wench) and its all very very wishy washy

what id sujest your brother does, as babys getting a bit older now would be to sit down with this girl and sort out propper access.

me n my ex have decided hes moving in with me when baby is born just for a bit to help me out, im to ring his friend if i start getting all ulovey dovey n all that so he can tell me what to do

anyway for the first few weeks while hes on paternity leave me n him are going to do it together then hes gonna go abck to living at his mum n dads and im to take the baby to see them nce a week and hes to come to mine when ever he wants and they can too. this is when babys tiny

when its a bit older its going to start been left alone with daddy as  go out to the shops or something or even go out on a night out but not stopping over anywhere etc just visiting etc

then when babys about 6 months-8 months its going to start to sleep at daddys gong to theirs more often

we have it all written out and we even got one of his friends and one of mine to witness the agreement and sign. its not a legally binding document but it stops me goi "ur not seeing the baby" when he says hes gota  girlfriend or soemthing.

ur brother realyl needs to sit down and tlk with her coz shes been unreasonable (thats how i feel about alot of the mums on single mums to be they are a tad enfuriating with the dads not seeing the baby coz i dnt want him to" i understand diffrerent circumstances but i nt think its fair to not let a daddy see his child it is half him half her after all. anyway

your brother needs to sit down with her and talk about it n say that hes paying his maitenence hes not paying it by cash and the reason why, i preume its so hes actually got some evidence that he paid suhc and such to such and such on such n such so she cant go about saying hes not paying, perhaps he could set up a standing order on his internet banking for a regular payment of £x to go out every friday to her account etc, my ex is paying me by this method so we do have the evidence that hes paying its what they adviced at the cab so agai i cnt pretend hes a b*** when hes not lol he needs to say becuase hes oaying hes entitled to see the baby (even tho part of me thinks hes entitled to even if he doesnt pay, lol my ex has it so easy) hes still the babys father, he should explane to her that if shes not comfortable with him taking the baby away for nights at his etc then he will willingly spend time with it when shes around but as long as she lets him see the babt n desnt interfeer and she uses it as a break for "me" time or a sleep. which again is one of the reasons me n my ex have decided on our method. id say for him to ring the cab up and talk to sum1 there but tis such a whishy washy law for blokes its really reiculasly undffair but he is on the birth certificate so he should be allowed rights if they are married or not, we ere told if my ex goes on it hes got joint parental responsiility which im thrilled at!

sorrythis is long n jumbled hope it kinda helped a bit xxxxxx

Hi I might be very wrong so dont quote me although his name is on birth certificate I dont think it goes for anything as they arent married.