Hi ladies i thought i would join in and have a moan about my mum.  Well where do i start. I had my first ds at 21 and she wanted me and my df to get married before the baby was born but we didn't want to so she was in a mood for months. I told her i was buying the babys pram as i had seen the one i wanted.  The next day i went round to hers and she had bought a second hand one for £10. She said it was such a good deal she couldn't resist. I know i could of said no but i just can't seem to get the words out around her. She then got my old cot down from the loft and got my dad to paint it for me.So i ended up with an old pram and cot which i didn't want.  My sister had a baby a few years later and went out and bought all new things and my mum didn't say a word.

I am now 28 and have another ds. When me and my df said we were engaged i thought she would be so happy but she didn't even say congratulations to us.  We are now thinking about having another baby but for some reason i am worried about what my mum will say if we do. I don't work so we don't have too much money and i was meant to be going back to work in sept when the youngest is at nursery. She will be moaning that we don't have enough money for 3 kids and that it is a stupid idea.

u must all be my sisters lol....my mother is nicknamed 'the dragon' coz she just puts me down constantly whether I'm on my own or in front of people.   I cant stand anymore of it.

I'm getting wed on sat (10/05) & she's now in a strop coz I don't want her @ my house in the morning(that's how bad it is)  & that my h2b is having our lo the night b4 the wedding. Plus our lo's godmother is looking after her during the ceremony so all the parents (my parents r spilt & remarried) can concentrate on me & h2b but she's fuming.

My h2b is ready to give her a right gob full as she just makes me feel useless & like a bad mum. My HV said I was a natural but when I told my mum she turned round & said in front of every1 @ my hen do 'huh well she don't c u leaving her (lo) in a shi**y nappy' I have never been soooooooooooooo angry in all my life, I've never done such a thing & would never dream of it. I was so hurt I could have easily told her never 2 c me again.

Yet my dad & stepmum & h2b's parents r fantastic...y can't she b like that.  I can't win, it hurts.

OMG this is just the forum for me. I have had comments from both sets of parents but my mum has really annoyed me, she asked if I was going back to work and told her yes full time, her response was 'well your never going to see your baby are you' I told her I didnt want to not have money so I couldnt show my child anything or go anywhere.

Yesterday really topped it off, i booked tickets to see a comedian in December and the baby will be 3months old, text my sister and asked if she could babysit as she works with children full time and is first aid trained, she said yes and she was looking forward to it already. My sister was then on the phone to my mum and told her what I had text, she has the hump now and said 'well she never asked me' and 'what is she doing booking tickets and going out when the baby is so young'.

My mother is the most negative person I have ever met, always talking about other people because she doesnt have a life of her own. Also whenever we all go out for a meal I can guarantee she wont like her main course, she does it everytime to get attention.

So now I am not looking forward to calling her as I know she will be off with me about this babysitting lark.

If it wasnt for us ladies getting bigger through pregnancy I wouldnt tell anyone I was pregnant until I had the baby.

MIL & FIL tried to give me the cot my DH had 44 years ago and I politley said that I wanted to get a cot bed for the LO so I then got the comments of will the child like to be in what was their cot at the age of 4, err hello.

Oh and guess what my mother is off for two weeks when I am due, yikkkeees.

sounds similar to my mum. its always 'you should do this... you should do thst...you shouldn't do that because...' it drives me insane. i moved 30 miles away a few years  ago for some independance but since lo was born she stays over when she comes and she takes over my house, its tiny and its really not practical to have someone else here too. She doesn't actually do anything with lo, in fact she's useless with him. she does all my housework which i find patronising, When lo was born  i rang her to tell her contractions had started, she drove over straight away. i'd agreed she could come to the hospital but she wouldn't leave the delivery room, i'd told her from the beginning that when the time came it was to be just me and lo's dad. in the end i had a c section and she was crying because she missed it!! in a way she's bothered me ever since. buys all his clthes and its stuff i wouldn't put him in but if i insist she doesn't she gets moody. Really annoys me. I'm in a foul mood when she visits because i feel so smothered and she's visiting more and more. Wouldn't mind if she actually helped with the baby. but its the constant 'suggestions' that wind me up. my bf always goes to the pub or bed early cos it bugs him too. his mum is the complete opposite and is wonderful and my mum is so jealous of her!

sorry to ramble on, just really annoys me so much-especially as she's staying tonight! grrrrrrrr!!

Oh Stella, that's awful.  You really should be able to choose your LO's christening dress.  I'm sure your mum had her chance to choose, when you were christened.  You sound like you're going to be miserable by keeping the peace.  Your mum will get over it if you choose your own dress.

Marmite, you have described my MIL exactly......except she doesnt cry, because she always gets her own way.  Nobody dare stand up to her.  She is the rudest person I have ever met ( outside of my profession ).

As for anyone who is constantly criticised, is it possible to step back and have a break from seeing your mum.  I'd say that the criticism is grinding me down and I need to have a little break.  It might give your mother food for thought.

Yes i know - i am normlly a very strong person and don't take any crap - but she has just completely gone off on one about it - like i say i can't be doing with the hassle - i have spoken to her and said if i see another one in the meantime that i prefer i will get it - she didn't sound happy!! I know she has tried to do a nice thing - but in my eyes i just thought it was a bit rude - i should have been the one to pick it!! xx

stella have you tried telling her how you feel you might have to make a stand hun as she is making big decisions that you should be doing xx

i have just booked a christening for my little girl and my mum offered to pay for the outfit - which i though was really nice of her!! She called me on Sat and told me that she has bought it........... without me even seeing it - i am gutted - i said i wanted to go and choose it (for the both of us to go) seen the gown and it is not something i would have picked - we had an argument and i have ended backing down and keeping the gown she has chosen just for an easy life - i am 28 years old and cannot beleive i feel this way - she is my daughter and i should have chosen her christening gown - if i hadn't agreed to it - i thinkshe would have made my life hell - can just do without the hassle !!!

My mum can be a pain but i can tell her straight when she oversteps the mark. My MIL is a different story. Its up to my dh to tell her and he never does. he just cant do it.

Your right it's always mils that people complain about but it's much more difficult when it's your own mum, I have exactly the same problem, she's always criticising what I'm doing and forever saying why don't you ....? when I haven't even asked for any advice, I just want to say why don't you shut up!  When she looks after my lo she ignores what I ask her to do and does whatever she wants so then I have to try and get her back into her proper routine.  Sorry for the rant but she drives me mad!!!!

i dont know wot id do but just readin bout u not wantin a christenin n her cryin just really irritated me its ur choice n its really sad that she cryin over it n then threatenin not to come see u she be the 1 missin out!!!we dont want ds christened n our family have been fine me grandma had bit of moan but that it!!

Hi - thanks for your reply. Your situation sounds so similiar to mine. Most of the time it seems to be MIL's which cause the trouble though, not Mums - which in a way makes it worse. I just want a quiet life!!

Yes - in reverse!  You described my MIL!  My mum is great, my dad was wonderful, (I miss him , he died on New Years Eve).  In fact... are you my SIL?! Only joking.  I don't know your mum, but from my POV, I find my MIL's behaviour manipluative.  She is a bully and I find it difficult to stand up to her, (see my thread 'MIL is a bully').  I tend therefore to avoid her.  She makes me feel very small, speaks to me like I'm a idiot and critises everything.  It has been worse at times since I had the lo's.  I think from an outsiders POV, I'd say assert yourself and tell her you refuse to be manipulated.  But then, I ought to take that advise myself... it's not easy.  As you say, you are a good person - just go with your heart, do what you and DH want, after all ds is your child and you know what is best for him.  Sorry not much help but I empathise.

My mother has always been pessimistic (sp?) about everything. You can be in a really good mood and after 10 mins with her you feel quite depressed. Most of my life I have always felt like a bit of a disappointment to her, even though I have a lovely dh, a nice home, car and decent job - I've never asked her for anything but her constant little digs leave me feeling a bit of a failure. I guess I just got used to it but now ds (8 months) is here its getting to me more and more. I've decided not to go back to work and she has critised that. She's moaned about everything - from the way I wash his clothes to his bedroom not being warm enough. The lastest thing is that she is trying to (I feel) bully me into having him christened and when I said no she started crying!. This is the thing, when I stand up to her she gets upset and I feel awful and tend to just give in for a quiet life. She's really overbearing as well and interferes in just about everying we do. I recently mentioned we were looking for a new bathroom and the next thing I know she's gone out and chosen one!

Me and my Dad aren't really close so I can't really talk to him and as I'm an only child its really difficult. I just feel like a total failure and I know that I should stand up to her more but as I say, when I do she starts crying and threatening never to see me or her grandson again. My in-laws are great and really supportive so why can't she be more like them? I think I'm a good person and I try my best but its never good enough.

Anyone out there in a similar situation?