you think your mum is bad you should try my fellas mother and step father they are well ive got no words for them shes got 8 grand children which 5 of them are mine and they blank my 13 year old and 12 year old in the street just cause her son left home at 16 to live with me and my family cause he was treated like crap at home we have been together just over 16 years, shes got 3 granddaughers from 2 other sons which she sees almost every day which she loves and talks about but shes even started talking about one of her sons girlfriends saying shes a crap cook ect ect and her son does all the cooking and how her granddaughter is fat  shes just plain yak the poor girl is only 20yrs old and is doing her best her child is just 16 weeks old what does she want her do stop feeding her, all babys are dif  i could scream at this women or i could tell the poor girl that the women shes leaving her daughter with is talking behind her back but i wouldnt do that to her i couldnt hurt the girl, she'll just have to find out her self  prob in yrs to come the hard way like me lol .

I fell out with my fella a few months back and he went stay at his mums but he turned of his phone becouse she hates me ringing  i was 8 weeks pregnant and she brain washed him into thinking i was not pregnant but i started bleeding and she said i was lieing so i wrote him a letter and my child posted the letter to her house, she opened the letter with my fellas name on the front in big writing he was out at the time read it then read it to her other son and daugher in law and all 3 of them took the pi-- out of it and me i was in a right mess so when he did come home i thought i had lost the baby and he didnt think i had been bleeding so i went out side and got the messed up towel ect that i sat on out of the bin as proof couse i was that mad so at least one good thing came out of this it showed my fella just what a evil women his mother is and 2 weeks later i found out i was still pregnant  im now 29 weeks and when this wee one is born she will never see him

hi, I just have to say, 'blessesme' is so so so right. I cant believe it... Im in exactly the same situation as you guys, I didn't realise I wasn't alone. I cut contact wth my parents 6 months ago when dd was 4 months old. Becomming a mum myself made me realise the things my mum did to me, the way she treated me as a child was WRONG, evil & abusive. The better the job I did with my dd the more & more she tried to emotionally beat me,and undermind my confidence. she wanted me to fail like she did, to make her feel better. I was not prepared to allow her to have any kind of dangerous, detrimental impact on my relationship with my dd, I had to break the cycle, and that meant having the courage to call it a day. My father is a terribly weak weak man & I lost all respect for him years & years ago when he stood by & watched the abuse, I feel sorry for him, that he misses out on his only grandchild, but its the way it has to be. I KNOW i am NOTHING like my mother, my lo adores me because we are how mother & daughter should be... the way I see it, you're an adult & a mum you make your own choices the ones that are best for you & your baby, now you're a mum the dimensions of your relationship with your own mum have changed... you feel the anger for a reason, but dont waste precious headspace on it. Your lo just needs you! xxx

blessesme, thank you your so right xx

As a mother of 2 and 25 years old i can honestly say sometimes the best family you can have is the one you chose to make yourself not the one you are born into. My mother was abusive mentally and physocally and my father emotionally. I have always been hated by my mother and she is a very very disfunctional and negative person. It wasnt until my first dd was born that i suddenly relised that i deserved more and if neither of them could be a parent to me then what could they be to my daughter? Im a huge believer in this kind of disfunctional relashionships going through generations of a family and its very true when they say the cycle has to be stopped. I have done that and my daughter was my courage and my inspiration. I owed it to her and to me to relise that i needed to move on..... Its not easy and you need to be focused on the reasons why and believe in the choice you make but its so much easier to break free and deal with painfull past memorys and not allow fresh new ones to be made at you and your childrens expense!

Good luck!

Before you break your relationship up completely with your mother, ask her why she only had one child. maybe you were a very difficult baby and she knew she couldn't handle another. Maybe she had PND and it went untreated as it often did until about 5yrs ago.

Speak to her.....you will need her and she will need you. Believe me...you always need a mum...would you want you lo to abandon you .?

You are both adults, and not in a school yard. So straight talking, a box of tissues and hugs are obviously needed.

You are an only child, my dp is, and when MIL found we were having a 2nd she was really annoyed and for the first time every explained why about 6 months ago...she had a prolapsed womb that went untreated after she had my DP, had to have an emergency hysterectomy and couldn't have anymore...my DP found this out when I did.

Be the adult above her and tell her she talks to you and sorts it out or you have a 6 month seperation period to both get your heads around your own lives then come back together again.

thanks for your replies i feel much better now as i was beginning to feel like i was a really bad person, i didnt hate her before i just was not bothered what she did or said before lo was born.  The other thing is i am an only child too so maybe she just does not like babies otherwise she might have had more x

I've not spoken to my mother in almost 2 yrs. i'm so sick of it being down to me to ring her, she never rings me, her excuse, "I never ring anyone", I'm her daughter ffs not anyone. She's not so much as sent xmas or birthday card or pressie for any of her grandkids. Last time i saw her i told her to wake up to herself about my father and what a c0ck he was, suddenly because he died he's been elevated to St. Pictures of him everywhere etc. He was a violent abusive alcoholic. She won't listen, he put her in hospital god knows how many times. I'm glad he's dead and i don't understand why she isn't. She's happily defending the dead, pretending the true past away adn living in cloud cuckoo land all over a dead arsehole.

Don't understand it at all.

i know how you feel. It's horrible to say that you hate your parents when everyone "expects" it to be our inlaws! I dont have anything to do with mine anymore (their choice not mine). They havent seen DD in over 1 year, again their choice not mine. They seem to be more interested in their next doors kids than DD. I am an only child and DD is their only grandchild. I think they couldnt handle the fact that DD has cerebal palsy and wasnt a "normal child" so they havent bothered. Then they tried to get other family members to intimidate me by leaving nasty phone messages and verbally abusing me in town. Then they tried to blame it all on me when i have bent over backwards for them. Oh they also tried to make it seem that i had done all this because i had PND. Sorry i cant offer any advice, just wanted you to know that you're not alone.

did you think she was a bad mum before lo or has something happened to make you think this. you say you dont let it show that you hate her but shes your mum im sure she must feel that hate and maybe thats why she is keeping her distance

she may be tryin not to interfere n let u gt on with lookin after baby but i dunno im not in ur situation i get on with my mum fine!!

is anyone else the same this is driving me mad.  since having my lo 5 months ago i have this anger inside towards my mum.  its as though i have seen the light and realised what a selfish and bad mother she is, i dont know why but i am just so angry at her all the time (although i never let it show).  I thought she would have been more interested in my lo but my neighbours show more interest x