Hi lizzy

I think our mils must be related, mine has also taken my ds from my arms when he was upset and it still really upsets me now when i think about it, mostly because i didn’t say anything and i wish i had. luckily my df is on my side but he is just doesn’t know how to make it stop without causing a huge row.

Hope  you get it all sorted, don’t go if you don’t feel comfortable i’m sure you could think of a good enough excuse.

You deserve a medal for still going round there !!!!  She sounds very similar to my MIL, in that she's overpowering and intimidating......whilst I'm completely hopeless at confrontations.  She has taken LO from my arms, told LO not to look at me and physically pushed me away from the pushchair.  She's 86 ( going on 56 ) & she's a lot stronger than me. The clever thing is, this all happens when dp isnt around to witness it and he just accuses me of being intolerant of her and that I should change MY attitude    !!! In front of him, she tells me what a fantastic mother I am....to my face she says that LO is only interested with me because I supply the milk.

The positive side is that she lives on The Algarve and she has told us that she wants us over there in August.  I've told dp that I'm not going, as I can't face a week of criticism and her looking at me like I'm something she's trodden in.  The thought of going there makes me feel ill.

There is no easy solution, but at least your dh sounds like he knows what his mother is like.  Personally, I wouldn't go round until she agrees to respect you as the parents of your LO. Good luck xx

Thanks so much for replying, i feel so much better now for writing it all down and knowing other people are in the same situation.

We have tried talking to her and putting it nicely but she always ends up shouting and swearing at  dp and telling him he’s pathetic, which really upsets him and me. The problem is he has a younger sister who still lives at home and she joins in with her mom so it ends up being a slanging match which obviously is not good for harry to be around.I feel so sorry for my dp cos he just doesn’t know what to do.

I have always tried to involve her and made sure we took him there at least once a week (which she says is not enough) but she never makes the effort to visit us even though she only lives round the corner and i’ve made it clear she can come anytime,so i just feel like giving up with her. 

Sometimes i think it’s me being over sensitive but like you say we need to sort this now before it gets worse, it’s just hard to know the best way.

It is very difficult esp; as she is such a strong person.

I would get yourself DH and FIL to sit down and talk about how things are going. Let her know you are his parents and if you don't feel happy with how things are going you can put your son into nursery or leave him with your mum who respects your rights as a parent.

My SDD has similar problems with her own mum and her own children.Her MIL has got pushed to the side because she is sick of having to compete with nanny to see her granson(she also has another granchild now to her other son she can get at!).

If you can try sort things out sooner rather later it would be better as your son gets older he will understand more of whats going on and use it to his advantage.

Emma

Hi i’m Laura and have a 10 month old son Harry.He’s great and i’m blessed to have such a happy and contented baby, my problem is my mil, although she’s great and absolutely adores harry a few things have really upset me in the past few months.

I have recently gone back to work and i’m so lucky that my mom and my mil have him while i’m at work and he really does enjoy it there. My problem is that when we go to see my mil she seems to treat my ds as though he was her own and will never let me have him even though he is crying for me, for example we went to visit on sunday and he has been a little clingy this week as he’s teething, she was walking him round and he was crying and calling for me, my dp told her that he wanted me but she said no he doesn’t he wants nanny and continued to walk him round, in the end i had to go and physically take him from her.

This isn’t the first time this sort of thing has happened and i’m really struggling with how to handle it, she has a very strong personality and can be very intimidating at times and i really don’t know how best to handle her. My dp has had a number of arguments with her on how best to bring up our ds as she just can’t seem to accept that we’re his parents and that times have changed since she had young children.She is always making annoying comments about harry not getting enough fresh air ( I take him for a walk almost everday) and also at christmas when we were on our way to my moms house said "remember who your favourite nanny is", i know that he’s too young to know what she’s talking about but it bothers me all the same!

Sorry to have rambled, there are so many other examples that i could give but i would be here all night, just hoping that someone could give me some advice on how to handle her, i’m not a confident person and don’t find it easy to stick up for myself as she’s so overpowering.

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