You sound a lot happier about it.  Good for you putting a going home time on the invitation.  Good luck and I hope it all goes well for you xx

Hi there, i thought i had posted on this again last night, oh well didn't work clearly.  Thanks for your comments girls, i feel bit less sterssed over it all as have put time from and till on invites. I know lo won't really know what's going on but she is so sociable and loves people over so hence it was meant to be with some of her baby chums and inevitably the grandparents, however it all got passed on to various rellies by word of mouth from each other..not me, but dh went telling them all too beofre we had discussed it and so they all kind invited themselves, trouble is now, cos some of them on both sides live away, they will have arranged to be up here for that weekend, so can't say they can't come, but really until they get invited by me ( or dh once we had discussed who to ask) they shouldn't assume they are coming anyway, but they are all a bit too overpowering and mil will have arranged it with sil ( who i can't stand) that she can stay at theirs, my mum has arranged for my bro to stay at hers, so they can't be left out now which pees me off cos it was all just a lovely little gathering at first..hey ho will have to be authoritative and boot em out when me n lo have had enough.xxxxx

Why are you having a party if it's so stressful for you ?  It's not like LO will remember it.  It's more for the adults.  I think it's great that the 3 of you are going to spend the actual birthday together doing what YOU want, but you shouldn't feel pressurized into a hosting a full-blown party for a 1yr old.

LO is 1 in about 6wks.  I'm having a tea-party: the 3 of us, mum, dad, my sister, bil and their 2 LOs....and the dog !  Mum suggested I invite a few other relatives, but I said I wanted to keep it small and she understood. I might have another small party for a few baby-group friends.  I'd get in a right panic dealing with what your going through.

Hope you manage to sort something out. x

Hey, i just wanted to pass on my support to you. DD's 1st birthday has been and gone thankfully so i may be able to give you a few tips.

With the holding thing- i told ppl before the party that she was not being passed around, that avoided any unpleasentness on the day (although my mum did ask to hold her and when i said no, my aunt said "its pass the parcel" so i replied SHE is not a parcel lol).

I put a start and finish time on the invites...i had family from 12-3 and friends from 1-4.

And to make sure everyone left when i wanted, i went to feed her and put her down for her nap so basicaly removed her from the party.

Hope some of this helps, but if you feel that you arent going to enjoy it, just cancel it and do something as a family.

Hi there, thanks for all your replies, i haven't been on bounty for a few days so only just seen them. I think the time thing is a good, idea but im not sure the rellies would think it appled to them..i may do the 2 parties thing, but tbh, i think it will take pressure off dd if her chums are there cos she will be playing with them and not just at the mercy of all the relatives..they can't smothered if she is off with her buddies.

I have spoken to my mum abd dh about it and i don't think eiither of them really get where i am coming from. Her actual bday is the day b4 so the 3 of us are gonna do something nice on our own so that's good..it's just a shame i feel this way about it..it is bringing up issues that i felt i was just beginning to handle and now ive been catapulted back10 mths and can't deal with people holding her again..fortuneately she is wanting to be on the move all the time so doesn't like being held by anyone other than me!!! But i know dh wil just tell me to stop mythering about it..easy for him to say, i might just sneak off with dd and her closest buddies cos don't think anyone would miss us!!! Back in time for cake!!!

im so glad im not the only one that feels this way!

im also dreding ds 1st bday in sept.

weve now decided that theres no way ds wud handle being passed aroudn people he hardly knows, he cries when there is 3 or 4 people in room never mind ten+ .

we r taking him to knowsly(sp) safari park for the day weve also got dd 6 yrs so we shud all enjoy the day. we r even thinking about staying over the nite before so we dont ahve 2 put up with vcisitors before/after we go lol. spoiling his day. family etc will jsut have to bring him his presents either before we go or after.

id go with what others have suggested and have 2 parteis, one for babys friends and oither for family, weve aslo got samll house and it wud b hard 2 fit loads in our house aswell so weve got a few excuses up our sleeves ready lol.

my mum was p***ed at me this year for dds 6 th bday party (so it doesnt get any easier as the yrs go by lol)

i had a small party with 4 of her friends my sister helped out simply with ds so i cud play games etc with dd and friends, and one of her friends mums stayed as she ahd a 2 yr old aswell. when i planned it i didnt realise it was good friday and assumed df and my mum were at work as it was weekday, anyway my mum found out she was off n wasnt invited and caused big uproar! even went as far as ringing my nanaa and my aunties telling them i was ahving big party with all dds school friends and they all werent invited. i spoke 2 my nana after and she was very offened shed not been invited til i explained it was only 4 other friends there and id even sent df to the gym so he wasnt even there 4 it lol. y wud a 6 yr old want grandparents and aunties at her bday party anyway? it bugs me.

The only thing that i can suggest is to contact your families and say that there are just too many people to have a party for lo and so you need to arrange separate ones-that way you can organise a get together with lo and her frineds and then set a time that families can visit with presents-call it a different party for family and just endure it. What I did this year was to host the party at my local leisure centre-then family could not really come as it was just a big activity hall with no seats just mums and their babies running around. However my dd is 2, 1 might be a bit young! I say keep it separate then at least you can enjoy one party-good luck!

I planned a party but it wasn't on her actual birthday. Every one was invited to a party so we had her birthday just for us and close family. As it happened my grandad died just a week before DD turned one so not many of the family even bothered to get a card let alone turn up!

If you want a day for just you her and your DH then ring every one and say her party is on X day between Y and Z, every one brings a dish and a bottle. You are going out on her birthday so won't be in.

when DS was 1 I took him up to Derby to DH's parents for the week so it was tough luck for my family as they couldn't be bothered to turn up to DD's, not even my mum.

Emma

Put a start and finish time on the invite (eg 3.30pm till 5pm) then everyone knows what time to go.  I asked mum and mil to make some sarnies too to take some pressure off.  Have a few drinks too!!

i kinda c where you are coming from but it is nice that they want to be involved. why not say, fine yu can come but bring....for the party food and if some of you could hang around after to give me a hand tiding y could also spend some quality time with gk??? AS LONG AS THEY HELP 1ST!!

My LO turns 1 in January and already im thinking what to do for him, I just know it will be a day where im running about after OH family whilst they enjoy their day with my baby! I dont think you are wrong, i get like that sometimes, I dont want no one holding him  and slobering all over him, he likes to play and roll around now not be scooped up in MIL's arms all the time! What kind of thing can you do for a 1 year old? any ideas? I really dont want to have all the family round, my family live away so yet again I will be over run by all his, which I really dont need!

that was our problem too for dds 1st bday i had 2 have 2 parties, one for her little friends and one for family.only had small 1 bed flat and about 30 odd ppl turned up,mainly from his family.mil went out and got all her gks (as they were only kids there really,all 5 little hyper naughty brats)chocolate from shop as we  only had a fairly simple humble but filling healthy buffet.the house got so wrecked by them i spent the wee hrs cleaning up and scrubbing everywhere.i didnt enjoy dds bday at all.thow unfair is that? ive stated ever since never again!!! but it wont stop his family insisting on visiting that day. try to get dp to see it from you point of view as you will feel even worse if its a negative experience.i think we should both just `plan` something that cannot be cancelled but oh sorry no one else can go...hmmm any suggestions? seriously though dont give them the opportunity to ruin that special day xx

hi there, i am new to this part of the bounty phenomenon, but just wondered what you all thought. basically since b4 i had lo last year i became really anxious that when i had dd both mil and my mum would be really full on and i had a real problem with people holding dd cos i felt they wanted to taker her off me and really i thought, no ive carried her for all this time and gone though labour and childbirth and so back off and let me have my new daughter for a while b4 you all start trying to hold her etc, she's not a toy!!!ggrrr!! anyway, its nearly her 1st birthday  and all thopse feelings that i was learning to deal with have now flared up again as we are having a party for her but some how, it has become totally about my family and my dh's family and they all have to come,

now call me selfish but..it is dd's birthday and i think it is great to have her chums round from baby group to play, but the entire family on both sides and their entourages are all coming and i cant say now that they cant but i really don't want them to because our house is only little and if it rains i don't know where they will all go, but i just do not want them all to be there cos they will all be trying to hold dd and i think it will be far too much for her....and me to deal with...i have pnd and i am trying to work through all this stuff but this is just making it worse and i am already wobbly about dd being 1 and where time has just gone and this is making me dread it when i should be looking forward to it. dh doesn't get it he thinks i am just being grumpy and mean and just says oh don't myther, but i really need him to be on my side about this cos he was always on their side when i wouldn't let them all hold dd..

 it isn't about them it is a party for dd and her friends, but i feel now i can't ask some of her friends that i would like to simply because there will be far too many people there and it is all damn family..they just assume that they have some divine right to be there and i can't now say otherwise cos i don't want to hurt feelings but i am really p***ed off cos i don't know how they all came to get invited in the first place..word of mouth i guess..talk about invite your self!!  any ideas as to what i can do pleease..