A mess that could ruin everything......
- Forums
- Grandparents
- A mess that could ruin everything......
-
30/12/08 15:14
Hi ,Glad your feeling alot happier,its good that you have realised that you dont need your ex ,he wasnt worth being bothered about anyway.Hope this is the start of your new life.Glad its working out for you,well done.
-
27/12/08 21:20
Hey girls, sorry for the delay, me and LO have been on holiday!!!!!!!!!! Ok not sunny but warmer than here!!!!!! It was the best thing we've done in ages, I feel great. Got back today and off my parents tomorrow for a late xmas with LO and a big turkey dinner. Haven't really heard from ex DP, his loss, no cards or presents waiting for her off his side.
Hope you all had a lovely xmas, I'm off to put my aftersun on.....lol......
-
22/12/08 19:13
How are you and your lo ,havent heard from you for a while.Hope everything is working out for you.I hope you and your lo have a great christmas and dont let anything get you down.
-
21/12/08 23:30
How are things going chick? x
-
19/12/08 16:01
Nasty nasty person.
Was going to say man but a REAL man would have stood up for his partner and child. My husband walked away from his mother in Tesco last year shaking his head after she told me I would be lucky to keep him (together 11 years with 3 kids) she seemed to think he would choose his mother over his wife!!!! Silly woman showed she doesnt know him at all. He had never stood up to her before but she had said so many nasty things to him about me that he could see no other option.
So sorry he could not step up and be a man for his family but like me you have a good family who will provide more support for you and your child than he or his father (even less of a man) ever could!
-
8/12/08 16:43
you might not be able to change the locks, but do you have a chain? Try and make it a habit to put the chain on so he can't get in easily.
Well done for standing your ground, he really is behaving like a prat, I don't know what's wrong with guys like him honestly. SOunds like his dad has had plenty of time to work on him. Don't give in to him, he sounds as though he will just use you and do this again.
Stay strong for you and your lo, remember not long now til Christmas, turn your phone off on the day if he starts calling with threats\trying to argue, don't let him spoil it. x -
8/12/08 11:47
Thankfully my family are being great and giving me lots of help. ex DP has now started to moan about the cost of paying for things that were arranged before my ML, based on both out wages, ie the house and car. I think he really does think that he can just walk away and thats it. Pop and see LO every now and again and just hand me a few quid every now and then. And when I dont play ball with him or run around wimpering after him he gets nasty and says I wonder why he wants out.......... He is acting just like a spoilt little boy!!!!!! If he cant have his own way he 'll shout nasty things and have a paddy. I've checked about the locks,cant do that as the house is 50 50. Shame I liked that idea. Although he does make apoint of banging on the door now instead of using his key, he knows LO could be sleeping, but why would that bother him,he gets to go straight back to his dads for a full nites sleep. Guess you can tell from my tone now tht Im past crying about him, more gob smacked that he can be so cr*p. x
-
5/12/08 22:37
He sounds so cruel
. Can't you change the locks ? I'm not sure if that's legal though. I agree with the idea about changing things around in the house - just a few minor alreations might throw him a bit. Keep a diary too.Have you got friends and family to help you out ? I really hope that you're not there alone. xxxxxx
-
5/12/08 16:57
Well girls just a quick update.............. the prat came round from work last nite with a takeaway........Take it this was because I haven't really been speaking to him the last few days. He had the cheek to stand in the kitchen with his arms open and say "come here." As if I was ment to melt. I just stood there and say look this has got to stop, you walk out to your dads every 5 minutes and just leave me and LO. He then stood there smurking and said "well what do you expect. Im not causing a row with my family for you." I told him i didn't expect him to but that he should be at least putting LO first he just got up and walked out. I held LO out and asked him to bath her while I eat my dinner - he'd already eaten his, and he just said no and walked out the door. I was bloody fuming................ Then he had the nerve to send me a text saying dont use LO was a tool to make him stay. If he'd said that to my face I think I would have slapped him. I really dont know who the hell he thinks he is anymore. I can honestly say I dont want him anywhere near me or LO anymore. He's seen her for a total of 3 hours in a week and that was split over 3 days and I had to make a point to him that he hadn't seen her. He is so nasty and his new nasty comment to me is what a mistake I was - his biggest yet. That was thrown at me when I didnt put my arms around him. Oh and He must have told me 5 times now that we wont work because my parents now know hes left so we'd never be able to sort it out. But it's ok for his dad to hate me.... He really is a joke. Why would someone want to be so mean to their LO mum???????
-
2/12/08 11:47
I just want to give you a big hug! You have been given really good advise by the pp's and just one other thing to add would be a diary. Keep a track of what is said and when etc. It will help you to 1. know you are not crazy and 2. should you need to take visitation further etc you will have evidence. Also, when your child gets older, you will have proof of what you did and what happened. My girls father did some very similar things and I kept a diary and one day (they are now 22 and 19 ) they found it and read it (Hadn't used it in years so it was put away). In a strange way it helped them and they remembered a lot of it but could now place it.
Hope you are feeling a little stronger today.
-
1/12/08 15:03
Oh hun, just caught up with that, I am really sorry. What a knób he is. The positive of this is you have found out relatively quickly and don't have to waste your time with him.
I agree with Vic about changing the house round (theraputic and will annoy him a bit), change the locks, or maybe go and stay with your parents for a while? Have you got a friend who could come stay with you for a bit, I'll be he's not got a smart mouth like that with someone else around.
As for visiting rights, if you are sure he will take your lo somewhere you don't want, you may have to go through a court process. I think he would be restricted to supervised visits to start with if he doesn't really know how to care for lo. Definitely don't let him have her overnight.
I know you are hurting and its horrible right now, but this will be good for you, your self esteem and your lo. He wasn't putting you guys first and being a partner/father like he should be. Sounds like he wants to hurt you and put the blame on you for everything so he doesn't need to accept any responsibility himself
DOn't let him bring you down chick, and make sure you enjoy your Christmas with your family whatever. xxx
-
29/11/08 10:39
Words cannot describe how low he is. It sounds like he's just trying to hurt you for the sake of it, like he's trying to prove how much you care. I know its hard but the sooner you treat him with indifference when he is around the more you will hurt him. Tbh if i was in ur situation i'd be trying to hurt him as much as possible, the things he has said are totally unforgivablke, as the mother of your child he should treat you with respect.
Is there any chance you could change the locks or something? rearrange ur furniture so he feels like a stranger there and hard as it is ignore his comments, he'll prob turn all nice when he feels he's lost control to hurt you.
He sounds like a nasty piece of work, plsa add me or pm me as i am so worried about you, i know what men like this are like x
I still think you are amazingly strong to be as calm as you are and a fab role model for you're lo x x x we are all here for you hun x x x
-
28/11/08 23:22
Well after a really bad day Ive got to say I am struggling with this. LO bless her has been as good as gold, her dad on the other hand has just been so nasty. He told me that he will pay for the house until we sell it, he hates me has no interest in me and hasn't for along time. Asked me when I was going to get over it and deal with it, and when I got upset and cried he said ' well what did you expect and bunch of flowers whilst I tell you I dont love you anymore.......' He even rolled his eyes and laughed when I said that there was no need to speak to me like that, stating that he would rather be at work than around me, and it's a shame that Im the mother of his child. As you can guess I was left in pieces and sobbing yet again. Why would someone want to turn so nasty and enjoy hurting me like that. He didn't even stay for 5 minutes so I could get some jobs done, and all this was whilst I was trying to sort LO's dinner out. He was actually stood there saying to LO daddys got you, you dont normally see daddy do you.......... Like that was my fault. All I can say is ouch........... when does it stop hurting coz I didn't see any of this coming. Maybe thats half the problem. Cant see him ever speaking to me like im a person again let alone being friends or grown up about this as we have a LO together. Thanks for your replies girls, they really are helpin me right now.xx
-
28/11/08 14:42
He sounds EXACTLY like my ex x x x Don't worry hun, the longer he isn't there and the more he hurts you the easier it will be in the long run to get over him x You might not feel strong right now, but you're still going, and the fact you hardly mention how you are coping worries me, your lo will be fine, children do adapt trust me x but you need support and i hate to think of you on your own, feel free to pm me or add me on fb (Victoria Anne Friend) if you need to moan or rant x x x or just talk things through because it helps x x
-
28/11/08 11:02
Hi Jods, not been on here for while. my computer wouldn't let me access grandparents forum til today. I am so sorry that it has come to this, but as a previous post said, at least you know where you stand. Me and my BF are on ther verge of splitting. For the last month i have been trying to sort out his finances Basically he overspends and never ckecks his statements. so i have been keeping an eye on things and cutting back. then when his new statement arrived, i found he'd bought himself CDs, games and Hair grooming set....hardly essentials!!
Anyway that's my moan over, do you think you will get back together? cus without sounding harsh, he has a child to provide for, whether he wants to be with you or not. xx
Keep in touch, you know we are always here for you
Em xxxx
-
27/11/08 21:49
I dont feel very strong right now...... He hadn't seen LO since monday, and came round tonight to get some clothes, you'd think it was to see LO but no. I still found myself being nice to him and trying to talk to him. All I got back was I hate you and cant stand being around you. So another night sobbing........ What hurts is that Im his LO mum and he can be so crap. Even if he does now hate me, but I've not done anything to deserve that sort of behaviour and all LO see's is me in tears which cant be good for her and then I fine myself crying more cause I feel so sad for LO. He had the nerve to phone up half an hour ago and tell me I'm out of order and that he will be taking LO to his dads for visits where he's now living. That hurts even more, why would I want her going there with all this going on, and for her grandad to say god knows what to her when shes older. I would never stop him from seeing LO, but why is it all on his terms and what he wants. I've had no say in any of this. I really really dont want her going there and getting dragged into mess. That sounds really bad doesn't it. I cant believe he could just walk out like he has and be so nasty. He has never bathed LO on her own, he never got upto her in the night and has only feed her 5 times in the 4 months shes been on solids. I tried to get him involved all the time but all I got was ' it's not a special occasion, or I've been at work all day.' I just cant get my head around any of this. LO is the most important person in the world to me but now he's making me feel like i've got know control over her let alone our relationship when we had one. My friends and family are all so mad at how hes being, but he says it's all me and cant see that anything he does is out of order or nasty. I did use to be really strong and very independant, now he tells me im needy and want everything my own way. Sorry for the long post, just a little bit lost and sad at the mo when I should be loving the last bit of my ML.
-
27/11/08 18:07
I'm soooo sorry x x x x I only wanted to offer you advice x x x You sound like a very strong woman and a great mum
Tbh, your (now) ex is a díck, and obviously has big commitment issues along with lying.x x x
-
27/11/08 07:46
I'm sorry he has left. but on the other hand at least you now know where you stand.
I have no idea what he must have told his family but it can't have been good if his dad doesn't want to see his granchild.
You are better off with out the fighting and childish behaviour. My mum did a very good job of bringing me up on her own due to similar things I have never had contact with my father or paternal grandparents or his family from the age of 3/4 years old. I rarely saw him before that as he was in London working we were in Bradford. I do some times wonder but didn't miss him. After all he's the one missing out as he has no idea he has 3 grandchildren!
Emma
-
26/11/08 10:32
I havent posted before but have kept up with this thread as it similar to some experiences from my life.
Firstly, I want to send you a big hug and tell you its not your fault. You did everything right in very difficult circumstances and your ex-dp is the total loser here. The things I have read make me think he is incredibly childish and selfish and you are much better off without him. I know you will be hurting now and you will hurt for a long time, no doubt. Someone (especailly someone you thought should look out for you) has dumped on you from the highest point. Thank goodness you have your family around to support you. Lean on them and let them give you the love you and your little one deserve. {{{{{hugs}}}}}}
-
25/11/08 16:46
Hello, your not intruding at all, and thank you for your post. Funny you should say your ex, my dp well ex dp walked out on Sunday to his dads saying that he is never coming back and that it's my fault he isn't close to our DD as he knew we wouldn't be staying together. Wish he'd of told me that. I now think that he has been telling his dad all sorts, and now he's ran back there playing hard done by, having spent the few days before with me and Emily xmas shopping. Im so mad at how hes treated us, he doesn't care if he doesn't see her xmas day as he said he is at his dads and then going to work which is where he'd rather be than at home with me.........nice. As he said he hates me and cant stand being around me on sunday, but on friday he wanted to know when we were going to put the xmas tree up in december. Oh and his parting words were - I dont care about you, Ive only been telling you whated you want to here - go fine yourself someone else. How can someone be so nice and so nasty within a few days???????Sorry just need to get that out. Bet you wish you hadn't posted that now lol. My god I've gone from having probs with fil to a single mum in less than a week, what next.... Hummm could explain why im hurting some much at the mo.
I dont have a mil, but my dp father has never seen his grandaughter who is now 6 1/2 months old. Me and my dp had a rough patch about 2 1/2 years ago and his dad walked in during a row. Nothing to nasty and we soon made it up, however because of this and ever since this he has refused to see me and Im not invited to any famly do's or meals, which when my dp goes to does hurts my feeling. More so because its all over nothing. I did hope that when dd was born he would grow up and come round. We used to get on great before this and often go out for meals and to visit him because he was on his own. It has caused no end of problems between me and dp.It's my dp sisters wedding in feb next year and he wll be going leaving me and dd at home. I have done nothing to his sister but it seems that because his dad doesnt want anything to do with me it' easier for the rest of the family not to either. The only person from his side to meet my dd was his godmother. I have triedt o arrange meting with his dad dp dd and me at a nice pub, but dp said his dad said if I was going tobe there then forget it...... nice and very grown up when I didn't have to back down and could have just been stubbornrefusing to let him see dd. This may sound harsh but with how nasty his dad has been I dont want dd going roung there and meeting him without me as I dont want her dragged up in the middle of this. How canI turn roun to dd and say mummys coming coz grandad doesnt like her. But I also dont want her coming home saying grandad doesnt like you mummy. It's made things very difficult between me and my partner andI feel like he is siding with his dad and doesn't care about my feelings. I think this will end us if it cant be sorted. My parents know all about this and dont treat my dp any different - their no happy about his dads behaviour but know they cant do anything. But just lately dp wont stay in the house when they viit and now refuses to visit them with me and dd. That hurts because they have done nothing to him. None of this is fair on poor dd who should be involved with all of her family. Dp can be so nice and then he will pop to see his dad and come home a different person speaking to me like im nothing and being grumpy, he wont talk to me about it and im at a lost now as this has been going on for to long and I dont want this mess with dd being here. Am I just wasting my time and trying to fix something that cant be fixed.?? What should I do ??Anyone with any advice??? sorry it's so long. XX