I would definately plump for the white lie option and tell her the consultant said its the best course...... what she doesnt know....... Its you and your babys health and wellbeing that matter after all, and youve enough on your plate without anyone else making you feel bad, even if it is your mother!! Good luck !!

I would definately plump for the white lie option and tell her the consultant said its the best course...... what she doesnt know....... Its you and your babys health and wellbeing that matter after all, and youve enough on your plate without anyone else making you feel bad, even if it is your mother!! Good luck !!

Mum of 4 - So sorry to hear about your son, I can't imagine how that must have felt. Just goes to show that shoulder dystocia can be very serious. My son was in distress and had merconium in his mouth when he was born, as you say i have been very lucky and some days I wonder if I'd have had an epidural whether I wouldn't have felt so much and maybe I wouldn't have been so lucky. 

I was going to tell my mum the baby is breech and they have insisted on a section but I am a rubbish liar! Funny because he has been breech since 20 weeks but I am sure he has moved to head down position now.

As the last poster said a small white lie about how the Consultant advises it as my best and safest option maybe the way to go with this one as that's not too far from the truth. Luckily my hubby has said he'll be there when i tell her as a bit of support.

Isn't it funny how people that have have fantastic vaginal births just assume everyone will have the same everytime and the effects of a traumatic birth will just disappear from your mind.

Only 3 days until I have my date and I can't wait as my mind will be completely at ease then.

Why don't you tell your mam a little white lie and instead of saying that you have opted for a section that the consultant advised a section as it would the safer option for you and the baby after having difficulties last time, then if your mam thinks it is what the consultant is advising and it is going to be safer she can't really argue can she.  I am due to have my 3rd section on 25th July 11 days to go and have to say that my parents are great and totally understand but my granny is so old fassioned and thinks I am just to posh to push and that I am taking the easy option, personally I actully think it is the more difficult option as it is a longer recovery time after.  Anyway you go for what you think is best and never mind other peoples opinions.

Your mum sounds like mine and if I'm right she doesn't stop to think how you feel or really listen to your explanation.

You don't have to defend yourself to your mother but if you want to explain yourself just say that the consultant considers it the best method and that you are happy to explain the reasons if she is prepared to listen. If she's anything like my mum she won't actually want to listen so you'll find yourself having to repeat yourself between now and the op - in which case explain that you have explained the reasons and would she like to hear them again.

I'm sure if you put all of your mum's stories of childbirth together they would contradict each other. My mum is a 'pea-sheller' and yet has also talked of how painful it was (to emphasise how much braver she is than me). It's tempting to say that shelling peas is not painful and only takes seconds...

Please dont worry about other peoples opinions, I too had a delivery with shoulder dystocia but was not as lucky as you and my son died because of it in 2006. May be tell family and friends about the section when you have plenty of time that way you can explain the reasons why it is so important that you have a section rather than a natural delivery....Use me as an example if you like, ie you at one end of the scale with a difficult labour and me at the other with a tragic one. I have since had another baby boy 15mths ago by section and am booked in for another on 1st august. Be as honest as you can it will be easier for you and others to get through it.

Good luck my luvly hope all goes well.

Lots of love Tracy xxx

Dont worry about it too much hun, my mum is difficult sometimes!

Just be firm and remember its your baby, your body, and you are grown up now, im sure when she sees her grandchild it wont matter how the baby came into the world

Good luck

x

pinky i too went through the same birth as you with my daughter and this time round i am having a c-section, i feel it is the safiest way for me and my unborn child, dont be upset if anyone says anything negative because you know yourself you are doing the right thing for your family.

im 31+4 and am having my c-section on the 3rd september at 39 weeks x

Good luck then hun .. for some it is like shelling peas but for some like me it was worse than first time.

And nowadays blood tests all being well adn scar looking fine you are only in 48 hours after csec .. all hte women i know who've had them (me included ) only had 2 day stay .. i was actually kept in longer after having our second vagianl delivery.

Let us know how it goes with your Mum ... but in the end its nowt to do with her (in the nicest way poss) .. lol ... its you that matterss in this situation and your LO.

x x x

Thanks for your kind replies - it's nice to know I'm not alone. Me and my mum don't have the best relationship and it doesn't help that I am a quiet mouse and she has very strong opinions that are always right.

I have just called and told her I have a Consultant appointment on Thursday to discuss the best option for this delivery and asked if she could look after my son while we go. So kind of hinted that it might not be just a 'normal' delivery as she thinks I am going to be out within 6 hours of giving birth this time (as 2nd time it's just like shelling peas apparently )and I know in the back of my mind I am more likely to be 3-4 days in hospital after the section.

I will see how Thursday goes when I have an actual date. I am so looking forward to this birth although I think of myself on that operating table and feel sick and I know I am going to be bricking it but it's better than the thought of a vag delivery which I haven't even thought of since I had my first Consultant appointment at 12 weeks and she agreed to a section then.

Thanks again!! 33 weeks today! YAY!!

Aww, I sympathise, I too have a Mum who is not only opinionated but not very tactful either!  I am also very, very selective about what I tell her/how much detail I go into, because unfortunately she just can't keep it to herself!  She tells all her friends, family, colleagues etc and I really, really can't stand it!  But ultimately she loses out, she was one of the last to know about the pregnancy as I knew I had to wait until the first 12 weeks had passed - I knew I could trust my in-laws and close friends to not say anything to anyone else, but I knew she would be 'too excited' to not spread the news and I didn't want to risk putting hubby and I in a very difficult situation if anything went wrong.

Having said that, I am having a c-section too (first baby) due to a serious back problem which only presented itself in the first few weeks of my pregnancy.  My Mum is actually very supportive, I have made her fully aware of the risk to me if I proceed with a natural delivery.  However, my sister had an emergency c-section in Feb of this year with her first baby and I remember Mum asking me if I thought my sister would be disappointed that she wasn't able to deliver naturally.  I kept my cool, but firmly told her that how a baby is delivered into this world should not be seen as a reflection of the woman's ability to be a wonderful Mum.  The safety and wellbeing of both mother and child must come first.  She never mentioned it again.

You clearly went through a traumatic experience with your previous birth, this cannot be underestimated.  I hope your decision to have a c-section has taken a huge weight off your mind and you are able to relax a little during the remainder of your pregnancy.  There is no doubt that a section is a major operation, I must confess that I have been very nervous about it but at the moment am cool about it. 

I think it is your choice as to whether or not you tell your Mum, she may surprise you with lots of support and encouragement.  But if her reaction is not positive, then your anxiety now will allow you to say those all important words to yourself 'told you so' and move on.  What is important is you, your physical and mental wellbeing after the birth and your ability to be able to care for your newborn baby, not the opinions of someone else!

Sorry to waffle x  but I hope this helps x

Awww hun - tell your mum how u feel and your worries .. etc .. then go in and tell her thats why u have decided to go for csec.       Yes i am of the belief it is only a few hours hell even a day or so of discomfort but when you have had a complicated birth its sooo much more worry the second time round so u arent thinking along them lilnes. 

With our first obv i didnt know what was to come and apart form a bad tear adn what seemed like forever .. lol ... he arrived safely etc.    So second time i wasnt worried and would tell myself the same as your mum says .. in the end once its over its worth it .. only a few hours blah blah blah - but i had a quicker but more traumatic birth laeding to a day hooked up for blood transfusion adn terrible internal tearing.

Needless to say i spent the whole of our last pregnancy crappign about the delilvery and terrified if the previous damage woudl be messed up again .. hoping i would have nothing bigger than our daughter (she was only 8lb8oz so nothing massive or owt) .. then going 12 days over got indiced .. all going well only needed 1 pessery and started off within 2 hours.  But his heart rate was going iffy adn i wasnt dilating as he wasnt being pushed down with each contraction due to his size (he was 10lb8oz so i think it was divine intervention because he wudda really made a mess i think)  and back to back position.  So in the end i was ruished off for a csec.  Now previous i wasnt against but the thought of htem terrified me but having had no choice in the matter i am so glad it happened and we arent having any more now ( ) but i would have no rpobs opting for another csec if we were...

In the end my third pregnancy was marred by my worries about delivery and i think if i knew it when/how it was gonna happen it would have been a great weight off my mind .......

so good on you for going with what u want - your Mum may well bat her eyelids but once Bubs is born will it really matter how they came out -- sure she will just be happy all is well.

And tell her its not the easy option its major bloomin surgeyr .. isnt it funny how people think its the easy way out .. i gotta admit i used to think that before having it.   I healed well etc but wasnt up as easy as other 2 times afterwards.

sorry for my novel god i dont half waffle on sometimes

x x x

I made my mind up about having a section a long long time ago and no one will change my mind. But my mum is old fashioned and I know she will think less of me - hey maybe she won't and I am worrying over nothing.

I really just want my baby here with as little stress and worry as possible after last time and don't think a section makes anyone less of a woman at all.

Your body / your choice hun ...

theres no point u worrying about things going wrong that will not help.

I had 2 vaginal and 1 emergency csec  -  i feel no less of a mother having had the csec .... some peeps will always be opinionated .. but she is your Mum and should love and respect you enough to not look down her nose at you for choosing the csec.

If it is going to make the rest of your pregnancy less stressful knowing it is all planned then you go with your choice hun ....

Good Luck

xxx

I get my date for my section this week due to previous shoulder dystocia with my son and traumatic birth.

My family don't really know what happened with the birth of my son as I have never really spoken to them about it and I am scared to tell my mum as she is quite opionated and I know she wil say 'it's only a few hours of pain...' etc etc and won't really understand why I have come to this decision.

I am dreading telling her I have opted for a section - anyone else dreading telling family/frinds because of their reaction?