had an emergency c-section, feel like it was a cop-out
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- had an emergency c-section, feel like it was a cop-out
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29/8/08 10:00
hi i had exact same emergency section with the first then elective with the second i am just glad they both well.i am also 29weeks pregnant with my third and thast will be a section aswell.so what i think is you have to do what is save for baby i had a m/c in feb so this one is extra special
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29/8/08 09:29
Gosh this got heated! Mrazda I understand the essence of what you are saying. Thinking back to the (very) early days, I think I did feel a little bit sad about my long labour and 'failure' to progress', (it's a very vague memory now). My DH used the same kind of words that you are - he kept saying he couldn't give two hoots how ds arrived, it scared him witless when he heard the HB monitor stopping and it doesn't matter how he arrived, just that he made it.I think as someone else said though - you can feel disappointed about any birth - vaginal or Csection. I don't know that many people who have an ideal birth they feel very happy with, (but I know a few). I opted for VBAC with my second ds, the reason being more because of the advise given by the MW that ideally it's better to go into labour naturally, even if it's ends up being another section. I remained totally open-minded about the birth this time. He did end up being another section and it was a lovely and very different experience, (as he got ditressed and no labour started). Now the lo's are 4 and 2; I just feel glad they're here and now I look at my Csection scar and feel a huge sense of pride about what my body did over 10 months and that I, (and the lovely Dr's!) got my boys out OK.
It helps to go over your labour with someone, MW or HV I think. -
27/8/08 01:35
im on the fence...i wish i'd been able to give birth naturally but there came a point i just knew it wasnt going to happen and i couldnt push any more...
i don't feel like it was a cop-out because i know i put in a damn good 16hours of grafting to try and do it myself, however under the circumstances it wasnt meant to be.
i felt a bit redundant afterwards cos i couldnt move, i hated having to ask the midwifes to pass her to me and stuff...but that was a bit of pride as well as wanting to mother my baby "properly"
please dont try and belittle someone elses feelings, and regardless of the circumstances, they'll always be grateful for the safe arrival of their littluns...
and to those of you feeling low about it, just because you didn't do some things THE first time, try and focus on the first time YOU did them all...the mw giving emma her first bath doesnt matter now...its the first one I gave her that iv video'd and photographed
chin up lovelies xxx
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26/8/08 20:09
wow I jumped from 4-6 month forum as I had an ecs, oh dear somone caused some unrest!
Thankfully I found this thread as I felt the same way, as if I had failed and dont jump on me but I grudged the fact that my dh held my dd first, especially after I had gone through 12 hours of labour and 9 months of pregnancy. However we spoke about this 3 weeks after she was born as I broke down and told him how I felt.
I have been told ny future pregnancies will be by c-sections, although I would like to experience vbac, my mum saysI am a sadist but she did natural childbirth 3 times.
However I wouldnt change any of it, I love my dd more that words can say, we have a bond of steel and I managed to bf an hour after the ecs.
Congrats on becoming mummies anf enjoy your los
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26/8/08 19:20
Of course everyone is entitled to their own opinions, that's human nature, and makes us what we are. It's just that it is a sensitive subject to those "affected". We all know that we're soooo incredibly lucky to have had the best result ever in that we have little ones at the end of it. I know that there are thousands of others who aren't nearly as lucky, and of course we're all grateful - I think that goes without saying (even if I've just said it!).
However, yes, I do love my daughter, but for me, the experience has affected me in a negative way, and I think this is what the other ladies were also saying. Yes, I did an amazing thing by growing her for 9 months, and I loved every minute of it, and I was so hoping for the ending where I could have done what I was expecting to (ie have a 'natural' birth), and I just feel this was taken away from me (briefly, they "lost" my test results showing I had gb til they realised their mistake at 38wks). Also, yes, I do love my daughter (who's now 1), but I didn't feel that love that I expected to feel - I could look at her and see A baby, but not "my" baby, because I didn't go into labour and didn't give birth to her (again, I know other people see having a c-section as giving birth, but I'm speaking personally here). I said it's put me off having another, and it has - I don't want to feel like this if I have the same thing happen. But I don't want to love a second child more, because I manage to have it "naturally", or because I am prepared for a c-section. I hear friends natural birth stories, and I get upset because they had what I wanted. Maybe that makes me sound spoilt, but as we say, we're all entitled to our own opinions
For me, it was great to read the inital posts because it made me realise that I definitely wasn't the only one out here feeling as I do.
I can understand why people see things differently - in fact, when the HV first came round, she asked me if I felt cheated or guilty that I had a C-section. At the time, I said "of course not" (I think because I knew thats what she wanted to hear), but guess that also shows that they are aware of women feeling like this.
I don't mean to stir this post up again, but just wanted to reply!
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26/8/08 16:35
ok, this will be my last post in this thread (woohoo i hear you all cheer)
Oh dear, you poor poor ladies, it must be sooo awful for you to feel this way... that any more to your liking?? and YES i am being sarcastic! before anyone replies to point out that fact!
What i understand is that you all have beautiful children that you love and feel thankful and gratful for but you feel (in your words not mine) robbed/ cheated/ useless/ a failure/ sorry for your selves (delete were applicable) as your beautiful, beloved children were delivered by c section which is not how you would have liked it to be... and NO i didnt CHOOSE sections, i have no other way of getting mine out! and no i dont sit here thinking about how i didnt do it properly, i sit here thinking what a fatastic thing it is that my babies were born alive and well and that i live in a country and at time that can allow that to happen, so im the big bad wolf for that eh... oh well, i can live with that.
Not one of you has replied to what i said in anything other than an over defensive, attacking way... no debate or reasoning just hostility (some not all of you) I shall assume that i am the only person here who likes to have their ideas challenged, mind changed and point of view considered so i shall leave (some not all of) you to your mutually agreeable wallowing.
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25/8/08 21:51
Sod what you say, I still feel a cop-out so f**k all you say will change that sadly! Hopefully time will though!
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25/8/08 21:13
once again your making another point towards julie muhhh how funny. and im sorry to say that i would be friendly to alot off people but when some people think that we are some way enjoying feeling the way we are and think that saying be greatfull for what we have obvously doesnt have a clue how we all feel about the main point off the thread and thinks its as easy to just get over. its important how we all feel and talking about it and knowing that there are other people out ther that feel the same and are there to support you makes a hell of a big difference. once again im so glad you dont feel this way and seem to think its one off those easy things that you cant just say ahh well lets get over it and thats it. maybe you should give your opinion in threads that you may no more about, as you said at the start of your very first thread. "i may upset some ladies here" so you have known what you were going to write was going to anoy people.
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25/8/08 19:45
Dear God! aren't you all over anylitical sensitive souls!?!
By responding to points made by Julie directly to me i am 'picking' on her or wanting an argument am I? I merely defended myself, corrected her assumptions and suggested that as she seemed to be especially upset by what id written that it was more appropriate and adult for her to speak to me 1 to 1 than post direct messages to me in an open forum. Why am i not allowed to voice my feelings and opinions without SOME (not all) of you jumping down my throat? Are you only friendly to people who think and act the same way as you do? -
25/8/08 14:49
thank you jen for your support .... i will not be reply to that post again as she does seem to want to argue??? as for private messages i only do that to friends. i like the other ladies here came to chat of our experiance and feelings. i dont come for a slanging match, so will leave it at that,. thaks to all the girls on here who are suppoting each other as thats what this is all about. hope everyone has had a good weekend take care. xx
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25/8/08 14:28
mrazda it also seems to me that you may be picking on julie a bit as i was the first to reply to your thread and wanting her to personal mail you seems to me as if you are enjoying this in which i would ask you to think for a min how we all feel and we havent wrote on this thread for a bit of pleasure but for some support.
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25/8/08 14:25
to mrazda i cant understand how you think that just because you have posted for people not to dwell on there experience that we can all just wake up in the morning and cut off our feelings its how well all feel that we have been cheated its no ones fault its like and this thread is just a few ladies being glad that they arent the only ones feeling this way in which it makes me for one feel a bit better to no that maybe its a bit normal to feel this way. im so glad for you that you dont feel this way and i would hope you never do. so think for a min that maybe all us ladies who do feel this way dont wish for it.
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25/8/08 12:43
Once again!... in reply to Juliedodwell: Perhaps if you wish to say anything else to me you could do it as a personal message rather than a post here. but in responce to : how dare you.... if you bothered to read all the posts you would see im not the 1st on here and all posts after are to help the lady in question... you should find another post and stop saying things you obviously know nothing about
Im well aware that you were not the initial poster on this thread as i did in fact bother to read all the posts... I, like you am entitled to express my opinion and that's what i've done.
You're confusing me now though
What exactly is it that you think i know nothing about? -
25/8/08 12:23
Cazz... not at all! im not saying that you are stupid/wrong etc etc for feeling the way you do, i wasnt having a go at you at all and in fact it wasnt even your post in particular that made me feel like i HAD to reply but i wont name names as il prob have death threats at this rate
im trying to be helpfull in a less 'there there' way than others may by saying PLEASE dont feel useless and a failure for having a section. its the final hurdle and not the race. i was in labor for 3 days with my eldest but midwives kept telling me they were just practice contractions, by day 3 id dilated 6cms and on examination at my drs my daughters foot and the cord could be felt, it was a blue light dash to H and i was given a general. I didnt see her born, i didnt get to feed her, i didnt get to do all the things that you missed out on too which is why i do truely understand how you feel BUT what i was trying to say is please dont dwell on it, you cant change it but you can look at your gorgeous baby everyday and think ok, i didnt change your first nappy but im damned happy that im getting to do all the rest (even the really horrible ones). if i knew you in person and was saying all this to real people i could have put this a whole better and im sorry that some people have taken what i put the wrong way but thats what a forum is for, for EVERYONE to express their opinion... -
25/8/08 12:09
god, mrazda, i was actually the one that started this post and i did actually just come on here for a bit of support and to talk about it cos i was hoping someone would understand and feel the same. Unfortunately, its easy to say 'get a grip' to someone, but not as easy to do! Jus because you dont think people should feel a certain way, doesnt stop me having those feelings, which is why i wanted to talk about it, rather than bottle it up which is what i fee i should do now as you make it sound like we just shouldnt feel this way full stop! I wish i didnt feel this way, id love to be as happy and at peace with what happened as you are but sadly im not (by the way my sister has a bicornate uterus so i can understand thats difficult). Anyway, im totally waffling but i just wanted to say surely its better to talk about things rather than be told get a grip. Of course i love my son and am so grateful to the hospital for getting him here, but i cant help feeling gutted that i didnt have the beautiful experience of seeing him come into the world, opening his eyes for the first time, crying for the first time, holding him for the first time, dressing him for the first time, chaging his nappy for the first time....is it really that wrong to feel gutted about that???
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25/8/08 11:57
At this rate il have more posts on here than mrs McPosty from Postyville!
Im not 'jumping' on anyone at all... it just makes me sad there are women who are beating themselves up months after because they didnt push out their babies! Any wonam who's been pregnant should feel proud of what their body has done and not let the final hurdle cloud that....
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25/8/08 11:53
how dare you.... if you bothered to read all the posts you would see im not the 1st on here and all posts after are to help the lady in question... you should find another post and stop saying things you obviously know nothing about.
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25/8/08 11:50
in further reply to juliedodwell: when you say "it means as human nature goes we have feelings of being useless not being able to do something on our own" No one should EVER feel useless for having a section! Your body has done the most amazing and miraculous thing for the last 9 months just by creating this perfect little person!!! i am now considering if it is in fact you who is being unhelpful by implying that anyone who has/has had a section would feel like that. If your baby were a hundred miles away from you and you had to get to it, would it matter how you got there? if you drove in a car at 90 miles an hour would that make you fell useless as you hadnt done what your body does naturally and walked with legs that you're meant to use?
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25/8/08 11:48
I had an emergancy c section with my first and elective with my 2nd i dont feel cheated at all and im not botherd i didnt experiance labour with them. Dont jump on me for saying that x
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25/8/08 11:35
Re: juliedodwell... yes my first section was emergency but i did not CHOOSE to have any of my sections, i have a rare condition called Bicornuate uterus which when pregnant with my first daughter at 21, 16 years ago, was undetected all through my pregnancy, without my em section both myself and my daughter realistically would have been dead! my following sections were not out of choice but because my body is simply not designed to give birth naturally, EVER.
Right now I've cleared up that fact i shall defend myself some more... the sad thing about the written word is that you can never really include the way in which you are writing something, the reader gleans from it what they will... my reply was not written in a stroppy or nasty way at all, i was simply pleading with you all not to "dwell" on your labor that you didn't get months after your section or to feel that you didn't do it 'properly' cause you cant debate with other women on who was in labor the longest but to please just look at your beautiful babies and thank whoever or whatever you believe in that you have them there because there are SO many people who arn't that lucky (and of this i have personal experience which is prop what makes me so passionate in my plea)
Nowhere in my post did i state ' you are all ungrateful' so please don't misquote me. sometimes people in general can be too 'oh there there, poor you' and yes i felt the need to put my own point across (which, if i'm not mistaken is what a forum is for) and say what some people need to hear rather than what they want to hear and that is what i did. I was not pesonaly attacking anyone or trying to be "unhelpful" at all in fact what id hoped was just the opposite.
Im not sorry for what i said in my previous post, im only sorry that some of you cant accept the valid opinions of someone who thinks differently from you without resorting to lines like 'if you can't say anything nice'... dear me... i feel like saying 'get a grip' again... hush my mouth!
Hi everyone, this may sound ridiculous but i had an emergency c-section 8 weeks ago after being in labour for 22 hours. Even tho it was 2 months ago i still cant stop thinking about it! Throughout being pregnent i kept saying how i was dreading all the pain but the one thing i was looking forward to so much was that point where i would see our baby being born and holding him straight away, i imagined it would be the best thing ever and looked forward to it so much. But my labour went totally wrong and ended up having the section under general anaesthetic so i was unconcious when he was born, and not even my fiance saw him being born either. I didnt even see him til halfway thru the next day as he was in the neo natal ward.
Anyway my point is, i cant get over how gutted i am that i havnt had that experiance of seeing my baby being born and i feel like i cant say 'iv given birth' cos in a way it was cheating having the section and not pushing him out myself, its wierd i just feel like i cant say iv had the proper experience of giving birth and when people say they gave birth and how painful it was pushing, i dont feel like iv done the same! This makes no sense whatsoever reading it back! My fiance says of course iv given birth, but i realy dont feel like i did as in my head i went from being huge and pregnant in lots of pain, then waking up and not having my baby with me or seeing him for ages and the nurses being in total control of him. So in my head i havnt connected giving birth with having my son.
If anyone can make head or tail of this, do any of you feel the same????