That's good OP, defo. I agree it helps to write it all down. I was so totally in denial before the birth absolutely convinced it would be 3 hours, pain free, and easy. LMAO!

I remember talking to an older lady, (the Grandmother of a friends LO) at the park one day and I said to her 'I don't know what would have happened without the section... I guess he would just have been born eventually'. And she replied 'yes, but in what state?'. That really made me think, and coming from an member of the older generation I appreciated that she has seen advances in medicine that probably mean more of our babies arriving safely and mums recovering quickly with less trauma than was once involved. TC. x

Hi ladies

Just want to say thanks so much for taking the time to read and post it really means a lot.

Ive thought a lot about everything that happened since writing this and I think that putting it down in writing was quite theraputic in itself and hopefully will be the first step in trying to let go and hopefully move on.

I didnt fully appreciate when pregnant that things could go wrong, these things happen to others or so you think and I just assumed the birth was going to be a positive (albeit very painful!) experience. When it wasnt I think I just felt too numb and too tired to react to it all and maybe if I had dealt with it there and then rather than bottling it up and just trying to shut it out and get on with everything I may have found it easier to let go of all the negative stuff.

I think you are all right and that I need to try and found out what happened and that I need to speak to someone and be truthful about how all this has made me feel, I think up to now Ive just felt too ashamed to admit that I didnt feel that I had bonded with my ds right from the start.

I also keep thinking that I should try and look at the positives, that both me and my ds came out of this ok and that we are both healthy and doing ok, some women dont have that outcome and I am so grateful that I have my ds and that he is doing so well. He is such a lovely little fella (Im biased I know!) and I just want to be the best mum to him that I can be so I need to let this go and look to the future and try and move forward.

Thanks for your advice and for sharing your stories, Im sorry you have all had to go through such experiences too and wish you luck and all the best for future pregnancies and births! Maybe one day I will be ready for number two!

xx

Hello, read all of your stories and had to ad mine as I’ve never met women who’ve had similar experiences!  My c-section was over 3 years ago, 30 hour labour and as pp says, "failure to progress" (that makes you feel good when they say that doesn’t it!) past 3cms.  I was sooo tired and stressed, and the emm section was awful, a really traumatic experience for me - felt like a slab of meat in theatre, wasn’t given enough epidural so could feel everything and ended up being sedated!  So couldn’t hold my DS straight away.  Had problems breastfeeding and did not bond at all with him for at least 3 months.  Had PND which I eventually admitted to which I am certain was as a result of the birth experience. 

    Please please don’t feel alone and don’t keep your feelings bottled up.  I felt such a failure and was obsessed with the idea that if I’d gone into labour on a desert island my baby may have died (as he became distressed during labour) and it was all my fault that I couldn’t deliver him naturally.  A bit mad yes I know!  This time I’m hoping for a VBAC but if I do have to have another section I’ve ben reassured that an elective is much better. 

My baby was OP as the PP but’s that the only reason that the MW could give me for having difficulties.  Can I suggest counselling?  Might be a bit of a wait with NHS but is def. worth it.

 

Lots of hugs to you all.xx

My ds1 was 43hours, (4 years ago) resulting in emm csection for 'failure to progress' and distress. I could have tolerated the pains for a shorter time but the lack of sleep and pain combination makes it a real test of endurance. I haven't met many people who've had long labours like ours, and I think the trouble is that I didn't really expect it to go on for quite that long.

I still opted for a VBAC with my ds2, despite the long labour with ds1. It might help to ask your MW to go through your labour notes. My ds1 took so long because he was back to back and that also meant the contractions were intense from the off.

Hello hon!  I read your story, and had a similar traumatic time, ad hoped to offer some words of support.  Although I only gave birth 5 weeks ago, I feel OK about it...everyone said the memories would fade, and they are starting to much sooner than I thought.

I had terrible backache, bh contractions, and diarrhoea for three days before starting to contract regularly.  I then stopped and started, went into hospital at 1-2cm dilated after having contractions regulalry for 10 hours(more 1cm they said), so came home, rested, ate, showered and generally felt better.  Back into hospital after 23 1/2 hours, and was 4-5 cm dilated and on TENS machine.

They monitored baby for half an hour, 25 mins into monitoring, his heart rate dropped, so was told waterbirth was off the cards, and I would need to be monitored for the whole labour.  Had gas and air then, and managed to about 7cm, then had pethidine, was absolutely out of it, asked for epidural at 9cm dilated, when I knew that bubs heart rate was deccelerating with every contraction, so could see which way the brith was potentially going.

Good job I did, ended up having an emergency section after 32 1/2 hours of labour, they nicked an artery, I lost 2 litres of blood, felt myself fading away, baby was rushed off to be resusitated, spent the rest of the day being pumped full of IV fluids in the High Dependancy Unit, and another 2 days in hospital after that.  We are both absolutely fine now.

On the second day, my milk was coming in, and I spent and hour and a half crying (and I mean sobbing hysterically) to my husband that we could have lost our baby, and I could have died, and how I felt like a terrible person because I didn't want any more children and risk going through that again!!!  I seriously got every fear, phobia, thought, feeling off my chest...and felt so much better for it!  It all just poured out...I couldn't help it.  I felt so selfish, and hurt, dissapointed, and even angry.

But ever since getting all that off my chest, I feel a lot more positive, and although terrified of the same happening again...now looking forward to having another child...already!  I know I will be petrified if I fall pregnant in the years to come.

What I am getting at...have you been able to speak to anyone about your terrible time?!  Maybe by speaking to family,or a close friend, or your health visitor, you may be able to get all your thoughts off your chest, they may be able to offer you reassurance, and put things in perspective.  Even recommend counselling after such a traumatic time?!  I really feel for you, and kind of know what you've been though, so if you want to PM me, please do!  Sending you big (((((((HUGS))))))) xxxx

Hi ladies

Just wondering if anyone may be able to offer any advice on how I can move on from my traumatic birth / c section.......

I had an emergency c section in March after 50 plus hours in labour. I went in to labour several days overdue, after a night pacing the floor with irregular contractions (anything from 20 mins to 10 mins apart) I went for a check up at the hospital and was told I was 3cm's, that the head was really low and that I would get the baby out in no time at all once fully dilated (famous last words!), I was then packed off and asked to come back in the next day for another check up. Went back the following day after another night of the same irregular contractions and floor pacing, was still 3 cms and got packed off again and told to come back in the morning for an induction if in the unlikely event I had not already had the baby by then. By Saturday tea time the contractions were still irregular but getting stronger, I felt I couldnt face another night of pacing the floor with no sleep and so rang the hospital and told them I was coming down whether they liked it or not! When I got there I was told I was 4 cm's dilated and was admitted, I started on the gas and air and then a while later had diamorphine. By 12amish I was still only 4cm's and so my waters were broken and I was put on a drip to strengthen the contractions. By this point I was absolutely exhausted, the drugs were wearing off and I was in a real state. My ds heart rate became an issue for concern and so they tried to take a blood sample from his head to test his oxygen levels, they did this 3 times (very uncomfortable) but the machine would not read the sample!! It was at this point that a section was offered and I jumped at the chance to be honest, Ive never felt so tired and so in pain in all my life! After my ds was born they told me that the cord was twice wrapped around his neck which may have been part of the problem but aside from that that is as much as I know about why all this happened.

Anyway 5 months on although physically I have healed really well I still feel as though mentally and emotionally this is hanging over me. I feel angry that I was left lingering on for so long you can put up with intense pain for a certain amount of time but eventually it will wear you down no matter how strong you are. I feel confused as to why this has all happened and what went wrong. I also feel that this really affected the way that I bonded with my ds (and I havent discussed this with anyone not even my dh), its only over the last couple of weeks or so that I have started to feel that rush of love feeling for him and I feel really sad and guilty that I havent been able to enjoy my little boy from the start. I think I may have had a touch of depression Im not sure but I do feel as though I am starting to feel the sadness lifting and I am feeling a lot more positive generally. That aside I really cant stop thinking about everything that happened and feeling resentful, guilty, frustrated. I dont want to feel like this any more I just want to move on and leave it all behind and enjoy my ds.

Does anyone who went through a similar traumatic time have any advice on when they started to emotionally feel better or on how they moved on?

Sorry for rambling on girls and thanks for reading, grateful for any words of comfort. xxx