It's your birth and I think they have to be made to respect your wishes !! Maybe you can tell the midwives you don't want them hanging around and they will have a polite word for you?

My parents were like this when I had my first baby, and I know you can't do this if you have an induction date as they already know it, but when I went into labour I just didn't tell my parents until it was all over and my son had been born ! They were a little annoyed but soon got over it when they saw their first grandson. xxx

If she really won't let up about it, don't ring her when you go into labour, leave it till bubs is born and you've had your special few minutes just you and your OH. I went into labour in the middle of the night last time so didn't ring anyone except my cousin who was watching my children for me - news spread through her family like wildfire and caused all sorts of problems as OH didn't make the phonecalls till after DS was born so the news was then 2nd hand to my family.

Your birth, your baby, your choice. i have had my mum there for all3 of my births and she'll be there this time  but i had to ask she didn't invite herself.She is wonderful and keeps me sane whilst dh is sat in the corner willing it all to be over bless him.

Labour and birth is a very idividual and personal experience and who you choose to have there should be just that your choice. I know this sounds mean but if they really keep insisting tell them  there wont be a phonecall when you go into labour only one announcing baby's arrival and then they'll be told when to visit. Then noone will be sitting waiting. This sounds really harsh i know but you do what you have to to get what u want.

I'm really lucky and no one visits until i say so whether that be to hospital or to the house.

You really need to be firm with them and if necessary take drastic action. They may not be pleased with u but whose birth is it anyway?

shaz 32+3

My mam couldn't come with me (because of her ill health) but I had my dh and sister there - the hospital where I had ds was very strict about birth partners.  You were allowed 2 and they weren't allowed to change (for those in long labours!)...  My bil brought us supplies on the second day and he wasn't allowed in, he had to buzz the door and the mw came and got my sister who went outside and got the supplies and then came back (!)

If you don't want your mam there then she can't force you - it's completely personal and you shouldn't let her stress you out...

Hope everything goes the way you want xxx

Another reason why I didn't want anyone there.... you can't really ask one mum and not the other as one of them will be upset that the other one is there.

I think in the pp where bf was a bit of a wreck, it is great to have someone who will be supportive there. But my chap did a great job. My mum would have just been a pain in the butt!

hi hun..... my mum was at my 1st birth n i honestley couldnt have done it without her !!!!! she was amazing n my bf fell apart, i found it really hard n dont know how i would have got thro it, it was wkd 2 share with her n really want her there this time................................ however now every1 else is inviting theirselfs n its doin my nut in!!!! my stepmum thinks its her right... n we dont even get on, as does my dad, i dont want either of them, my bfs mum also wants 2 come, which i dont mind but i think ur only allowed 2?...... its all gunna end in tears n rows, i can see it now xxxxxx

I had my dp and my mum with me because it was my choice to. However the hospital had to come and ask me if my mum was allowed in the room when she arrived. So they will not let anyone in you do not want to be there as they try to have as fewer people in the delivery suites as possible. Put it on your birth plan if you are having one that you want no one else to be there apart from your other half they will listen to you. I just got annoyed because my dp invited his mum dad and the family to visit afterwards when i told him i didnt want anyone there as i was knackered and i had stitches and felt really uncomfortable so the last thing i wanted that day was visitors.

Don't worry melissa... as fas as the staff who work there know your parents are strangers and they won't let total strangers on the ward.... they will have to stay in reception until you or your partner tells the staff who thay are and they you allow them to see you and the baby. Otherwise we could have a load of people all wondering around the maternity wards and the whole place wouldn't be safe.

i was panicing about this also as my OH and i decided that as its our first baby we wanted to experience it just us 2 together and visitors could come up afterwards, but knowing my luck as soon as our mothers hear im in labour they'll both come rushing up to hosp and we wont get time with just us and baby i'll just have to make OH stand guard at the door

Exactly jodie-lee.... all births are different anyway!

Best to have as few people as possible.

I did have a student with me second time around.... what a nightmare that was. Now I know we all have to learn, but I wasn't even asked if I minded she were there. If she knew what she was doing it might not have been so bad but she was so shy I thought she was mute and she just didn't have a clue.

God it's like deja vu lol, that exactly my mum's attitude, 'it's MY 1st granchild, I wanna be there', I have been standing my ground tho.

She had the cheek to say 'you'll want someone there who has been through it and knows whats going on', she had us all by bloody c-section, so she hasn't a clue what shes on about either, she wasn't too impressed when i pointed this out tho! lol.

My friends mum was like that and she was at the birth, she kept saying but you are MY daughter like as if she had a right to be there.

My friend gave in in the end and said ok. But she wished that she wasn't there as she kept telling her to do this, that and the other, and I did this so try this. The last thing you want is someone other than a midwife telling you what to do!

Like the pp said for security reasons unless you have allowed the second person in the delivery room, they will have to wait in the reception and will only be allowed on the ward when you say so.

I don't know how it is in other hospitals but even the babies at The Manor have electro security tags on them.

Get is sorted with your mum so you can relax and enjoy the birt process more.

I think the hospital I gave birth at must be a little more relaxed amy jane.... I had people in the delivery room with me both times. I didn't even go on the the post natal ward the second time as I was allowed home a few hours after I had my daughter. They said I could go on the ward and wait, but I didn't want to take up a bed I didn't need, and I also thought if I went upstairs I was likely to be forgotten about. As I had my 17 month old son waiting at Grandmas house I wanted to get home asap to see him. I was soooooo glad about that.

Thanks ladies, it's bad really, I am hoping for a middle of the night birth so there is less chance of them all hanging around! I will have a word with the mw when i am there to try and make sure she doesn't try and talk her way onto the labour ward, I know she'll give it a try!

It's upsetting when people just blatantly disregard your wishes, and she makes me feel silly for even making an issue out of it. I think its because this is her 1st grandchild, and she is vey close to her sister, who has 4 grandchildren and was there for all their births, so its like she feels left out or in some kind of competition, but it winds me up as I don't know why she feels she has this 'right' to be there.

Oh hun I know exactly how you feel!!

It happened to me even though I didn't want them there straight away they were all there and in the room the second I had been stitched up!

I hadn't even had time tp put a top on I was sitting there under a sheet with just my bra on and in walked my mum, mil, dad a dil!!!! I was so upset I looked a mess and I had only just been stitched up.

You need to make sure that you tell them not to come in. Also if you tell the midwives you don't want them in the room for at least an hour, they cannot let them in, not without consent.

It is important that you and your partner have those first special minutes on your own as those will only be the first ones once.

I know exactky what mums are like, mine practically burst down the door with exitement as it was her first Grandchild..... but they will get to see the baby as soon as you are ready.... the baby isn't going anywhere.

Be very strong and make sure you tell your mother you don't want to offend her or seem spiteful, but it is your birth, your baby and that she did it her way.... and this is YOUR way and she will have to accept it.

Make sure you stand your ground or you will regret it like I did.

With my second birth I made sure baby was fed, and I was showered and dressed before anyone came in and it was 100 times better.

Most hospitals wont let your family in the delivery suit anyway for security reasons only you and a birth partner & they certainly wont let her be there if its agains your will...So she wudnt have too wait untill your moved onto maternaty watd after you & baby been cleaned up/fed etc... an even then they may not let them in if it is not visiting hours... that may just be my hosp bein abit strict tho lol, they also only let 2 visitors in at any time too see you..

dont let it stress you out tho, you need to be as relaxed as possible for labour/birth, as your partner wud kno how you feel on the situation im sure he wont let them in against what you said, and neither wud the hospital... so dont let it bother you they wont let people in untill your moved & ready =)

I know what you mean my mum invites herself to the birth, she's been there when all 4 grandkids have been born including my bro's girlfriend who never asked her she took them to hospital and stayed throughout.My oh would like it to just be us as its gonna be our last baby and should be a special time just for us,but dont know what to say to mum.Don't mind her being there ,she was with other 2 but it would be nice if we had time to ourselves with the new baby, like you said before you get visitors. Not too sure about hospital policies either but dont think your mum can just hang around and if you really dont want her there the mw's would refuse to let her in .

Hi everyone just hoping for some advice pls, as my family, mum in particular! are driving me mad and stressing me out about labour, which, at a week overdue I am sure you understand I could do without!

Thr problem is I am due to go in for induction Sunday, and in my birth plan have stated that I only want DF with me whilst in labour, however since I fell pregnant my mum, older sister and everyone bloody else seem to think they have the right to wait outside the delivery room and come in as soon as bubs is born, my mum especially is saying she wants to be there when bubs is born, and seems to think I'll be screaming for her!

The thing is I don't want this at all, I have told them all that I will let them know when I go into labour, but that my DF will obviously let them know when baby is born, and that they can come up an hour or so after, so I have a little bit of time where it is just me, DF and the baby, I can get cleaned up etc, and try to recover a bit, iyswim?

I even had a long talk with my mum and told her I don't want her outside the room for hours on end, I am not comfortable with it and just want it to be me and DF, told her that her being there serves no purpose, and I want her o respect my wishes, which she agreed to.

All was ok but she has been telling my sister etc that she is ignoring me and will turn up at hospital as soon as she knows I am there, which is stressing me and DF out, went over hers for fireworks last nite and as I was leaving she said 'see you on the labour ward' to which I replied 'I mean it mum, don't bother coz I'll make sure you're not let in', and she just laughed and said 'we'll see'.

I feel so stressed over something that shouldn't be an issue, when we told DF's family that we don't want the world and his mate waiting outside the delivery suite, they were absolutely fine with that, so why is my mum being such a pain? Sorry if this seems trivial but I just feel that this is my baby, I have to go through all the agony so why shouldn't things go my way?