harold is 82 and having some prostate problems. after examining him, the doctor gives him a specimen jar and says "take this home with you, and try to produce a semen specimen. stop by tomorrow and drop it off so i can run a
few tests."

 harold takes the jar and heads home. the next day harold comes in and asks to speak with the doctor. when he is taken into the office, the doctor asks
how he made out. "not good, doc." says harold. "i went home and tried to do what you said. i tried with my right hand 'til it was cramped from the arthritis ..no luck.  i tried with my left hand, until i had blisters... no luck. i asked my wife to help me out, so she tried with her left hand and with her right hand.... no luck. she even tried with her mouth. she tried
with her teeth in, and she tried with her teeth out.... no luck. then we called edna, next door, to see if she could help....">>>>

***>

"good grief man!" exclaimed the doctor, "you asked your neighbour to help you?"

 >>>>

***> ***>

"yep." says harold, "none of us could get the lid off that jar."

 

***>

*** x="">a father puts his three year old daughter to bed,

he told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying

'god bless mommy, god bless daddy, god bless grandma and good-bye
grandpa.'


the father asked, 'why did you say good-bye grandpa?'

the little girl said, 'i don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing
to do.'


the next day grandpa died.

the father thought it was a strange coincidence.

a few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her
prayers, which went like this:

'god bless mommy, god bless daddy and good-bye grandma.'

the next day the grandmother died.

oh my god, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other
side.

several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her
say,

'god bless mommy and good-bye daddy.'

he practically went into shock.

he couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his
office.

he was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the
clock.

he figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.

he felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the
day he stayed there, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound.

finally midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.

when he got home his wife said 'i've never seen you work so late, what's
the matter?'

he said 'i don't want to talk about it; i've just spent the worst day of
my life.'

she said 'you think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what
happened here.

he asked 'what'??????

she said 'this morning our neighbour james suddenly died.'***>