1. a nursery school pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it
was dead.
'how do you know that the cat was dead?' she asked her pupil.
'because i p***ed in its ear and it didn't move,' answered the child
innocently.
'you did what?' the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
'you know,' explained the boy, 'i leaned over and went 'pssst' and it
didn't move'

2. a small boy is sent to bed by his dad.

five minutes later 'da-ad....'
'what?'
'i'm thirsty. can you bring a drink of water?'
'no, you had your chance. lights out.'
five minutes later: 'da-ad.....'
'what?'
'i'm thirsty. can i have a drink of water??'
' i told you no! if you ask again, i'll have to smack you!!'
five minutes later......'da-ad..'
'what!'
'when you come in to smack me, can you bring a drink of water?'

3. an exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,
finally asked him 'how do you expect to get into heaven?'
the boy thought it over and said, 'well, i'll run in and out and in
and out and keep slamming the door until st. peter says, 'for heaven's
sake, dylan, come in or stay out!''

4. one summer evening during a thunderstorm a mother was
tucking her son into bed. she was about to turn off the light when he
asked with a tremor in his voice, 'mummy, will you sleep with me
tonight?'
the mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
'i can't dear,' she said. 'i have to sleep in dad's room.'
a long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
'the big sissy.'

5. it was that time, during the sunday morning service, for the
children's sermon.
all the children were invited to come forward.
one little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat
down, the minister leaned over and said, 'that is a very pretty dress.
is it your easter dress?'
the little girl replied, directly into the minister's clip-on
microphone, 'yes, and my mum says it's a b*** to iron.'

6. a mum was pregnant with her third child, her 3 year
old came into the room when she was just getting ready to get into the
shower.
she said, 'mummy, you are getting fat!'
mum replied, 'yes, honey, remember mummy has a baby growing in her
tummy.'
'i know,' she replied, but what's growing in your bum?'

7. a little boy was doing his math homework.