thanks pippi never thought about it like that

Hi, sorry to gatecrash, but I just wanted to point out that if his 'box of memories' meant anything much to him, it would be in a safe dry cupboard or bottom of a wardrobe, not in the shed!  Well - my opinion anyway! Don't let it eat you up x x

why couldnt you say anything when he said he was going to japan to see her?

noway on this earth would i have let that happen, whether theyre best mates or not lol... i would be far too suspicious.... and if he HAD to go i would demand i go with him !!

dh was with his 1st love for 6 years, and it took him 3 years to get over her... well he says he is over her, but when he talks to anyone about her, she was the best thing since sliced bread.

how do you cope with them having such a close relationship?? i definately wouldnt be happy about that.

I was always jealous of my ex-dh's first love.......he was with her from the age of 16 for 5yrs. She was the complete opposite of me and I wondered why he wanted me when he could have her,he ended their relationship 'cause of her cheating and their rows but I just saw it as being a passionate relationship that must've been exciting! I also found out that she told people if she wanted him back she could have him "just like that" which didn't help my jealousy. I found letters and pictures from when they'd been together and ex-dh got rid of them which helped but months later when we moved in together I found a picture of her inside a book.....he swore he never knew it was there and threw it away. 

Even though he had another g/f after her (who I've never felt jealous of)I still felt jealous of her and the jealousy has lasted all these years .....even when we found out a while back that shes now a lesbian !! lol  

Now ex-dh is with someone else and apparently shes very jealous of me.......which feels great 'cause as far as I know no-one has ever been jealous of me b4!!

I'm supremely jealous of OH's ex..

She was his first girlfriend - in every sense - and he was with her when he was 21 - 24 before she split up with him. He loved her very much although has told me that by the end of the relationship they couldn't get through one day without a fight. It still took him a year to get over her though, which is to be expected with your first relationship.

My problem though is that they're now best friends. She has moved to Japan for work (she's an artist, feh!) and he's been over there to visit her (I was furious but couldn't say a word) and he emails her weekly, talking about really personal things including me.

She hasn't so much as dated one guy since they split and I just have a really awful feeling whenever OH mentions her. I know to him she's more like a sister these days, but I still hate it.

My only comfort is that she's seriously lost her looks in the last 10 years. HA!

Lol me and dp try beat each other's scores on guess the scetch on facebook hehe.

Maybe he has forgotten about them, when you "accadently" find them lol just say in a nice voice would you like me to throw these away or do you want them, iyswim when your clearing it out.

thanks again for all the replies, it has been interesting reading your stories too.

dh doesnt know i found these letters. so i havent been pressuring him to throw them out or anything, i did look at them though and put them back again... so theyre still in the shed.  we are moving soon and ill make it my job to clear out the shed so i can accidently on purpose find them and ask him why he still has them, even though i was looking for my cds i dont want him to think i was snooping or looking for something because i wasnt.

i know its not dhs fault i feel like this, its my problem, he has probs forgotten all about these letters... i reckon it was his mum that boxed them all up and sent them round for him to clutter his own house up with rather than hers.  (he has this house before he met me)

i am on a diet at the moment, i have had 2 girls in the space of 1 year march 2007 and may 2008, so am not as trim as i was which is probs why i am feeling a bit low at the moment.

i agree about facebook, but luckily none if dhs exs have tried to contact him through it... he doesnt even know how to use it properly anyway and only uses his to try and beat my score at that brain game lol.

The past is a weird thing, but is very important in helping us learn and have a better future.

Our ex's are ex's for a reason.

I made a mutaul desision to break up with my first love, and we went our seperate ways. We wanted different things from the relationship and it just turned sour in the end.

He is on facebook, has a g/f and a baby now, and doesn't look half as good as he used to. But he is a few yeard older than myself and I suppose his age is showing now.

We were always good friends after.

I even went out with my current partner on an evening out with my brother and his friend who I had a few dates with. It was weird. But it was all in the past. And that's where it stayed.

i know what you mean about facebook and ex's popping up here there and every where dp ex tried adding him as a friend he declined her, she stalked him for a while after they split, used to sit out side his house in her car scary lol....

anyway back to point....dp has had a few gf's in past and the only one im actualy bothered about is the one he was with for a year a half they were engaged but she cheated on him so he split from her, and the rest were just s***s to him lol, dp is my first love and we have been together 7 years and have 2 lo's.

he did have a few letters and things from ex's i read them in front of him, he probably has pictures at his mums lol but i cant see them there not in my house but if i did see them i probably would be jealous.

and he did really pee me off his ex bought him a braclet with his name on it looked expencive, anyway he never ever wore this before we were together and then decided one day 2 years in to our relationship he'd wear it, that up set me alot, it took me a while to get him to see why it up set me, i said oh i'll go wear something one of my ex's bought me then shall i, i p***ed him off so much nagging that he took it off in the end (year later) so i bought him one haha might be as expencive and nice as that one but i know i bought it and it means something.

i just realised how long my post is lol

yeah facebook grrrr

Anyway i had kept my letters from my ex and photos of us together, until i one day accidently threw them away without realising. I didnt realise until a couple of years later, when i went to look for them again. We all have nostalgic moments, where we may want to look at something from our past because its the past experiences that make you who you are today. I cannot just disregard it. and neither should anyone pressure a partner to get rid of things from the past. they keep it because it obviously means something to the person.

Wish i hadnt thrown those pics out.

Something simlar (on a much smaller scale) heppened with me and my partner.

After about a year of being together I found a Mr. Men book. It was a Mr.Happy book and i had a look inside and it was off his ex. It had something written inside. Can't remember it properly but it was something like.....

I will love you forever for you happy smiling face, I will never forget you.

I never said anyhthing at first, but the more time went on I knew this tiny book was sitting on his desk all the time and It was getting to me.

I spoke to him about it one day and it all blew up out of proportion and it ended with my partner hacking the book tp peices with the kitchen scissors!

I felt so terrible about it. The book meant nothing to him anymore, and he said he didn't even know it was there.

That was 5 years ago. Two weeks ago I bought a Mr.Happy book for him and wrote inside...... 'never forget the past'.

The tiny mistake I made could have ruined our relationship, and it took that for me to learn that we can never forget the past.

Well..... not until they turn up on FACEBOOK!!!

morning, i can really only second what the others have said. it was a long time ago, and although he was in love with her, he did end it and he did move on and he found you and i think thats the most important thing to remember.

Its such a shame that you felt the need to bottle it up for so long, why not try explaining to you OH how you feel. i used to keep stuff that my exes gave me-little pictures, memories letters, and i kept them for a few years and when i married dh i realised i didnt need them anymore, i was about to create a whole new load of memories-if dh had seen some of the stuff id kept he'd propably be feeling the same way as you!

as for the comments on msn, i 100% agree with what link said. men like to big themselves up a bit in front of other men, i wouldnt take any notice of that. if my dh says something like that to me he gets evil eyed and then an arse kicking-but i know he says it to his mates quite a bit.x

morning hun, i think you just need to forget the past, he's with you now. I was a virgin when i met my dp and i was his 4th, it bothered me to start off with but then i realised that it's my time with him now, he did have an ex that his family used to talk about all the time and dp told them to stop mentioning her, it wasn't nice stuff about her as she used to steal dps food and my dp got so skinny his mum had to build him up with them build up drinks, anyway my dp realised and dumped her after 2 years. Ppl still mention her but it doesn't really bother me now, with your partner it's not like he's going to run off with her is it and i bet he loves you and thinks you're beautiful, hope you can work it out hun xx

he is almost 38 not 3 lol

thanks for all the replies... i know she wont look the same now as she did back then, but i have seen a recent picture of her and she doesnt look bad for her age lol.

she did contact hubby about a year ago and is married with 2 kids, i know i am worrying about nothing... and iv spoken to my mum about this today who said its probs insecurities on my side as im 16 years younger than he is (im nrly 22 and he is almost 3 i get jelous that he has had so much more life experiance  than me... he has traveled, got his own buisness, and with most things i want to do he has been there and done that. (mainly with his 1st love lol)

i have no idea why he has kept these letters as he has had 2 other girlfriends since her not including me and has lived with one of them so im guessing this box follows him where ever he goes. i didnt know guys kept that sort of thing lol... i kept a small box from my ex boyfriend who i was with from 16 till 17, but it stays at my parents house in cuboard and never comes out.... i wouldnt drag it around with me whereever i go.

the weird thing is i dont get jelous of the other 2 girls, they were both beautiful aswell... one a yoga teacher and very fit who he claims he just did not fancey after a while.... and another who was blonde, tall , skinny and every mans idea of a trophy girlfriend. i know he didnt LOVE them and thats probs why i have a problem with the first love... i seem to wish he had only ever loved me, which i know is selfish when he has had a 16 year head start.

My situation is simular to rachybabys, But i havent got kids with my OH, he was with his ex 3/4 years when he spilt from his ex. and they have 3 children together, she tell’s him when he cant or can see the kids and if we have to have them coz we dont drive and they live 350 miles away we have to give her 150 quid to bring them down!!!

But i feel like i am compared to her, and he thinks im gonna do to him what his ex did to him. ( i for one will not be leaving him for a 16 year old boy!) But i feel depressed at the fact that he wont propose to me he was married to his ex by this point in there relationship, I dont compare myself to her in size or anything, but she is pretty in a way.

I wanna know whats wrong with me that he dont want to get engaged to me i can understand the more children as we have 5 between us, but why arnt i good enough.

Sorry for moaning,

In response to your problem i would talk to him about it and tell him how you feel, Lots of people keep a box of stuff after a relationship.. i dont i tend to go mad and throw it all out then regret it lol.

interesting post.

ok first of all, the thing with him on msn chatting to a male friend and the comments about d*** s**k etc etc, dont read anything into that at all. its just the kinda things blokes say to each other, its all tongue in cheek and their is very little truth to it. for example, i often say to my male mates "get yourself a cook and cleaner...ehem i mean wife" or "i've just left the wife at home, chained to the kitchen sink, so i know i'll have dinner when i get home" etc , they laugh, i laugh, but its all tongue in cheek. i dont say that to insult, or put my wife down, i simply say it to have a laugh with the lads, its just what men do. theres no malicious intent so please dont worry yourself by looking to deep into it. i suppose blokes do it to kinda "impress" their mates. but its a bloke thing. dont worry about it, trust me.

as for this other girl and the past. we are talking about 20 years ago. that is a long time. a 20 year old girl will not look the same when she is 40. she may have been stunning then, but she wont look the same now.

my ex, who i dated 10 years ago, was slim, petite, beautiful, the girl that all the guys wanted. she was the ideal girl, but that was 10 years ago. today, she looks different and those stunning looks are gone. she is still attractive, but not in the way she once was.

you shouldnt compare yourself with how you look now, to another woman, how she looked 20 years ago. its pointless. yes you feel jealousy, but this is more down to your own insecurities then it is to do with this other women. this other woman is just making you dwell on your insecurities.

look at it this way, he is married to you, he comes home to you, he spends his time with you, not some other woman. he may have been able to find someone else, someone who you feel is "much better" then you, but he didnt. he chose you, because for whatever reason, in his eyes, you were the best for him and he chose you to be his wife, he chose you to spend his life with  in the end that is all that matters. dont let a past relationship come into, and affect your marriage 20 years on.

hunny, its so sad that you have left it bottled up for so long, my dp was married before and he has 2 daughters from his ex wife. they were together for 3 years when they got married. he says he loves me more than her but he wont marry me. i have been with him for 5 years and pregnant with our 2nd child. his ex wife practiculy rules our relationship and she seems to dictate what we can do with his daughters when they stay at our house. im also jealous of he (dont tell anyone, lol) she has now got 6 children (4 with new man) and she smaller than a size 6. i was a size 12 before i has our son and a 14 before i fell pregnant with this baby. my dp youngest daughter has also told me before that her mom says iv got a fat arse, thats hurts even though i know it shouldnt

why has your partner kept these things for so long

sorry i cant be much help

xxx

Firstly, as this was 20 years ago she will not look like the stunning blonde in the pictures you found. She will have aged and maybe married with her own children now.

Men are strange creatures, they like to brag to their mates and talk poop. My feeling is that he does love and respect you, he just said something really dumb to his friend. Good sex doesn't warrent marrige, and he wouldn't have married you if thats all he thought

I can't comment on first loves because both me and Dp have been together since out teens and have only loved each other but he had a very close friendship with a girl when we first met and I know it would have developed into more if she had wanted it. I was very jealous about this it has but gone now.... It was me he decided to settle down with and have sprolings with

If you still feel hurt, tell your hubby about it. He may not realise how much it has hurt you.

xxxx

before i start i just want to let you know that i have kept this to myself for a long time and just feel the need to write it down and get it out and know that someone else has read this and might have been in a simular situation or is in this situtation right now.

i have been with my husband for 4 years and have been married for 2. when we first got togther we spoke alot about our pasts (as you do) as part of getting to know eachother.  he told me he was with his first love for 6 years, she was an australian girl who he met on the london underground when he was 19, and asked her out there and then as she was so beutiful... apparently she didnt like him at first and said she wasnt interested but they spoke for a while and she mentioned that she worked part time as a waitress in some kind of pizza resturant in the city.

he told me that he couldnt stop thinking about her and decided to try and track her down and ask her out again, he rang up every pizza resturant in this certain part of london until he found her, when he did, him and a mate got the train straight there and they waited outside for her to finish work so he could as her out again, and this time she said yes from then on they were madly inlove and inseperable. everything was rosey for a couple of years, they went traveling europe together, lived together, shared the same friends, went clubbing etc. then 3 years later she was offered some super job as a journalist back in australia for a big newspaper (the sunday mail) she couldnt turn down this once in a life time oppertunity and decided to go back to australia, her and hubby stayed intouch wrote letters and were having a kind of long distant relationship with the rare visits inbetween,this went on for 3 years until  hubby decided it was too hard not being able to see her all the time, and as much as it broke his heart, he ended it.

this was all almost 20 years ago (he is 38 soon)... now my problem is, i was looking for some of my cds that i put in the shed when i came across a box, in it were all the letters she wrote to him while in australia and a few photos of her and him together hugging and kissing on thier trips around europe, and i just got this huge overwhelming rush of jelousy that hasnt left me (i found the letters like a year ago now)  she was very pretty, slim, and seemed exciting.. and i feel i dont live up to that at all.  im not slim like she was, iv had 2 kids,  i cant 'do' exciting because i have my babies to think about, i dont think im ugly but i dont think im as pretty as her, and i keep comparing myself to her, i ask myself why he is with me when he could easily get a girl that looks like her. 

he was talking to some guy on msn once and they were talking about past relationships etc, and he brought her up saying ' i fell in love at 18, she was so beautiful, perfect for me but i ended it and it broke me'   the guy replied i cant remember what he said... and then hubby followed it up with, ' yeah you need a wife, my wife likes to please me, i can be a bit lazy, all you need is a wife and a good d*** suck'

so when i read this i felt hurt, unloved, and used... its really hurt me that he spoke about her like she was perfect and spoke about me like im some slapper.

does anyone else feel second best to one of your bf's or hubbys previous partners?

i dont know what to do to get over this jelousy i feel... he is lovely towards me, hugs, kisses, he isnt very romantic which bugs me a bit because i just want to feel a little bit special.  help?