well i think one problem has been sorted just need to sort out the other one now

Thanks hun

The relationship i was talking about was a good one, he made me feel good, and i damaged it. I betrayed him, hurt him, accused him. He did nothing to deserve that.

My husband well he never tells me i look good, if i ask he tells me im obsessed with trying to look good.I have no confidence my friends hurt me only want me when things get bad. Yet the one person who got me through the bad times, miscarriages etc is the person i damaged. I just dont understand y despite what i did to him hes stuck around.

Big hugs to you hun.You must be so scared and why should you have to leave anyway?My dh used to bed violent,I kicked him out as I just had enough of him,it shocked him that much he got proper help and we are back together now.When someone s violent they lower your self esteem until you are left with nothing.I was scared of being on my own and going to a refuge with nothing,so I decided to make a stand and tell him to go,you are  amother,you have rights.Have you got  friends or anyone close that can help you?You sound really confused to me hun.I wouldn't go jumping into another relationship,I think you  really need time to yourself and to get you head straight,get to know yourself again.Your friend sounds like a really good friend and I'm sure he will stick around and see how things go.It really isn't that simple as people make out,just to up and go.I have also got depression,I didn't realise it at the time as I was feeling so numb,you may benefit from going to speak to your gp,mine was fantastic.xxxx

You are right i know.

I guess i just don't want to be on my own and what i have is better than nothing. Have told him if he hits me again im gone. Taking his children with me.

Im quite insecure

Money is a lame excuse, your happyness is worth much more than any amount of money can ever give you!

Trust me.

Being adopted is no excuse for trying to keep an unhappy relationship going. I've no idea why your adoptive parents are not still around for you and guess that's another story. Your not leaving your kids behind just an abusive partner. Many children do well in one parent famillies, I had a better life while my mum was single than I ever did with my step dad around(abusive, alcoholic, I was the one in the firing line not my mother). Start taking responsibility for your life and how it is. Your unhappy staying in an abusive realtionship for "the sake of the kids", surely it would better to be apart and have a mother who isn't depressed?

Some times you have to make hard choices for the sake of your sanity.

Emma

Thanks em

Now im even more depressed. Its not a lame excuse. I was adopted and never knew my mum and dad. My adoptive parents don't talk to me. I try to work things out for my children as i feel they need both parents thats all.

As for the other gy i want to change for him. We get on well then suddenly i find an excuse to have a go at him

You may think they are but I bet once they understand a little more what is going on they won't be.

We learn to interact with our partners by watching our parents and it is the same with parenting to a certain extent. My SDD treats her DH the exact same way her mother treated my DH which is why he left! She has seen how things work with us at a later stage in her teens and is trying to change but is finding it hard. Her mother treats men like cash machiens as long as they are handing over every thing she wants even if they can't afford it she's happy and nice. If the money isn't forth coming then it is tantrums and hellish arguments with thrown plates etc all the way!!!!!

Do you want your kids to be in unloving relationships because they think it's normal, or worse get hit because that's what husbands do?

You do not need money to leave ring your local refuge who will take you in and sort out rehousing you, helping with furniture, provide emotional support, etc, etc. So don't use money as a lame excuse!

As for the other guy he may still love you but not be in love the person you have now become due to leting your husband tread you down to nothing! Stop being a door mat and get out.

Emma

Emm its hard living with someone whos hurt me, its not an every day occurance but hes not very loving towards me

The children are happy. Sadly I have no where to go. ANd no money to do it with

Maybe he understands what your going through. Is it possible he has suffered from depresion and knows what it does to you?

On the other hand he could really love you!

Off topic if your husband hits you and is abusive no matter that you have kids together you should leave him. Your depression will not improve in that sort of enviroment and it is not good for kids.

Emma

I have been pushing him away for 4 years though

Deep down i don't want him to go, but i feel im no good for him and told him so. I so regret all the bad i did to him as im really not a bad person but have been so nasty to him, even broke his trust by telling people about it (i haven't mentioned names in here not that stupid again lol)

He's still around because he see's you as a close friend and a friendship he wont just throw away by walking away from you at a time when your lashing out due to your depression.

I'm pretty sure he wont walk away from you, regardless of how far you push him. He may keep out your way for a while, but he's probably gona stick around long term.

i don’t know what to do and desperately need some advise

i have a really good friend in my life who happens to be male. we met just over 5 years ago and clicked straight away. a bond that no one could break. and we fell for eachother. nothing sexual has ever happened between us

i met him at the time my marriage wasn’t good due to the fact my partner had hurt me . my friend made me feel good about myself  and we got eachother through bad times

i now have 2 children which i had within a year of eachother (having a baby was important to me), though my relationship at home still isn’t great but i try because of my boys. though because hes hit me any respect i have had for him has gone

suddenly depression hit and i changed towards my friend accused him of using me and i became a b*** towards him (im ashamed of myself). because of this hes told me his feelings have changed

hes threatened to end the whole thing if i kick off again but each time i have hes not ended it, hes stuck around. but he won’t tell me why.

walking away from him would be harder than walking away from my partner.

any one got any ideas why hes still around.

sorry its long but im so confused