arguing with dp and made to feel ugly
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- arguing with dp and made to feel ugly
5/8/08 15:22
5/8/08 12:03
Well before it was him that didn't want sex and it really got me down, i thought i must really be disgusting if he doesn't want me, but over the months i find that i don't want it either now as i feel really fat and ugly. Not remotely sexy at all. So this is why i have finally thought enough is enough and am determined to do something about it, it will be hard as i don't have much willpower and i love my food so much
but i know that being slimmer and happier will be a much nicer reward than a slab of chocolate. My willpower fails in the evenings when i sit alone so i either read, or come on bounty to take my mind off things also a big glass of water helps. If you lose something even half a pound then treat yourself, buy yourself a new nail polish and paint your nails, have your hair done anything to make your feel good about yourself. (Heard a tan makes you look slimmer, so investing in some fake tan soon.) I hope that you realise what a lovely lady you are and that your dp is lucky to have you, maybe he doesn't realise how hurtful he is being or maybe he knows that you feel that way and says it to get a dig in and score points in the arguement. Either way walk away with your head held high and think you can do this and in afew months time you will be a new woman. We all have flaws and are partners should help us with them not point them out in that way. Just think you can do this and you can. We are all here to help and support you, and willing you on. xx5/8/08 09:57
Thanks redwillow x
4/8/08 21:22
Winnie.........I feel so bad for you, wat ar$es some men can be! some think that they can say horrible stuff and get away with it, you dont deserve to be in a relationship where he feels he can treat you this way!
I feel so lucky that i dont have much trouble in that department, and to top it all off my DP has never ever done anything to hurt me in the three years and 2 babies we're been together!
Though when i had my babies i put on a bit of weight that put me up a couple of sizes and he said i looked better than before even!just goes to show not all men are out of order like that, he carries on like it you should find someone who wont treat you like muck!
Big Hugs XX
4/8/08 20:25
Oh Gemma I know exactly how you feel. Good on you for having the will power to do something about it. Is it you or your dp who isn't interested in sex? Me and dp usually get along fine but in arguments he is really nasty and his comments stick cos I know that's how he really feels. We haven't had sex in a while cos I'm not interested when he makes me feel so unsexy and fat. I know he loves me but he doesn't find me very attractive I don't think
4/8/08 19:32
hugs gemma xx
4/8/08 18:27
I too am unhappy with my weight and often try so many different tops before i give up and cry and thats just to go shopping! I used to be a small size 12 but now a snug size 14 with a horrid jelly belly and overhang from my c-section. I am small in height and overweight and have joined WW and also have started to do an exercise dvd during the day while dp is at work and ds is having a nap. I also have started to do sit ups while BB is on in the evening. Dp has made hurtful comments to me in the past so i havn't told him i am on this diet or doing the exercise as he will try to sabotage it with offering take aways etc. I think what your partner has said to you is disgusting and feel for you, my dp and me havn't had any bedroom action for 8months now and you can imagine how that makes me feel. How do you and your partner get on normally? Is he horrid or is he great but just makes nasty comments about your weight. Please meet your friend and have a great time and also ask her for an honest opinion on your weight as my friend went through this ages ago, her partner was always calling her names (no matter how much she lost) it ate at her confidence so much so that she never left the house and developed an eating disorder. Her partner was so jealous that he wanted her to be dependant on him and in the end she was. Not saying your partner is doing that but sometimes when someone puts you down you believe what they say and have a distorted view on yourself. Good luck with the diet and we are all here for you willing you to do well. xx
4/8/08 17:48
I am unhappy with my weight but my dp does make me feel like it's a huge urgent problem that I need to sort out asap. If I want chocolate or something fattening I feel like he thinks I'm a pig and he makes me feel like I shouldn't eat it. I wish that it didn't bother him like it does cos it's not helping at all. I will eventually lose weight but the pressure from dp is making it more unhappy so more difficult. I do turn to food for comfort when I'm upset and unhappy.
4/8/08 11:34
yeah i know what you mean, i have plenty of bigger friends who are happy with themselves, i also have a close friend who is a size 12 and is bullied by her dp saying she is big and she is smaller than me which makes me feel crap so god knows how it makes her feel.
x
4/8/08 11:22
Oh i didnt mean it like that, if you are unhappy with yourself and losing the weight will make YOU happy then great- go for it!
Its just if you were happy with yourself and its thoughtless peoples comments making you want to lose it-dont!
My sister is quite big and she was happy with herself until her ex fiance constantly told her she was horrible- told her he would rather sleep with our mum than her and just generally made her feel useless so she tried to lose the weight for him, which didnt work.
I just cant stand women being bullied over their weight
4/8/08 11:12
i think theres a difference between curves and my blatent flabby muffin top! i think its all about weather you are happy with yourself, i certainly am not happy with myself and want to be as slim as i was before i had kids. i have thin-ish legs, nice boobs (although alot saggyier thatn they used to be but in a bra they look fine!) and ive always had a small bum-so have flab over the top of my tousers doesnt really look quite right!
yeah of course some women look fab with curves, im not denying that, but sally if someone isnt happy with themselves then its no good telling them to love themselves the way they are. if i hadnt of dieted then i would of kept piling on weight, and how would that of been good for me?
4/8/08 10:55
I would just like to say to all of you ladies dieting, you should be proud of your curves
my df loves bigger women and says he preferes my body now ive had a child as im slightly bigger.Winnie, your partners comments were awfull and NO man should ever make you feel like that especially someone who is supposed to love you. You said you are going to start a diet- I really hope this is for you and not for him!!
Good luck xxx
4/8/08 10:55
I would just like to say to all of you ladies dieting, you should be proud of your curves
my df loves bigger women and says he preferes my body now ive had a child as im slightly bigger.Winnie, your partners comments were awfull and NO man should ever make you feel like that especially someone who is supposed to love you. You said you are going to start a diet- I really hope this is for you and not for him!!
Good luck xxx
4/8/08 08:48
good for you winnie, set yourself small targets-like i want to lose a stone in 6 weeks, or 3 lbs a week. try and do some extra excercise-tke the kids for a walk one afternoon. you can do it and you wuill enjoy it too xxxxxxxx
4/8/08 06:16
Thanks so much everyone for all your help and support. I feel better now I have read all your lovely posts. I am starting my diet today and am going to succeed! x
3/8/08 22:32
hi winnie, those comments he made were disgusting.
if you are going to loose weight, you need to be doing it for yourself and not for anyone else.
im currently on the weight watchers diet (where you count the points) it means u can eat whatever you want aslong as you dont go over your maximum points for the day...
i went doctors 2 weeks ago and weighed 12st (i had 2 babies in the space of 1 year, one in march 07 and another in may 08, before i got pregnant with dd1 i was about 10st, and im 5ft6 which looked ok on me... but now im 12st i look a bit chubby... i dont carry weight on my stomach at all... its mainly my hips thighs and bum that are the problem.
on the weight watchers diet, i am alowed 22 points a day, so that means even if a doughnut was 5points, i cant eat 4 in one day if i wanted to aslong as i didnt eat anything else.
fruit and veges are all 0 points apart from a few which might be 1 point.
its one of the easiest diets i have been on, i walk a bit, and will be joining a gym when motherinlaw is back off holiday so she can look after the girls for me for about an hour while i go.
i know your partners comments are going to hurt you... my hubby pokes fun at me sometimes... but i take pleasure in imagining myself sunbathing on holiday next year with a nice slim body while he is feeling all self concious about his beer gut and man boobs lol.x
3/8/08 22:20
Well done on your weight loss BBM
Can I just add... in no way was I saying become an escort... I just meant that I always feel better to see that some men pay a fortune to be with unskinny women. iykwim
( I reread my post and it looked like I was saying go be an escort
)3/8/08 21:27
hi winnie, i think think its appalling that you OH talks to you in that way. mine used to do it to me, say he couldnt believe how much my weight had changed since we first met-errr back then i was a slim teenager, with no kids!!! having 3 kids was bound to affect my weight and tbh i didnt care that much until he started making comments. it feels great now i have lost weight and when i see people they comment on it and that makes me feel so proud-and i can stick my fingers up to people who made comments about me when i was bigger.
in 2006 i wanted to lose weight for my wedding, having just had baby number 3 i felt really insecure and on my hen weekend i saw pics and couldnt believe how i looked. so i started walking and excercising, watching what i ate but never denied myself anything. in 4 weeks i lost 11lbs and looked a little slimmer for my wedding-at that point i weighed 12stone 13. i then jopined slimming world in jan last year as the excercise alone (i was walking almost an hour a day) wasnt helping me lose, just keeping it off.
anyway, within 6 months i had lost 2 stone. i left slimming world almost a year ago and at the moment i still weight the same, although i have 1 more stone to lose til i am at my ideal weight. i put on a few here and there, especially when im due on, but generally i am 10stone 10, and i feel better for it and i feel proud of myself. BUT dont bother losing any if you are happy with yourself. dont let him MAKE you feel bad for being who you are, because he has no right too.
sorry i have waffled! x
3/8/08 21:04
It does help talking to people. I feel alot better today than i did yesterday.
Don't feel ashamed of yourself Winnie, you have nothing to feel ashamed about. If anything he should be feeling like that, with the way he has been speaking to you.
Meet your friend, and have a good time
I lost weight by doing SW i had been trying for a baby for years and have PCOS was advised to lose a little bit of weight. I would say it took me about a year.
3/8/08 21:01
and well done butterfly on your weight loss
and thank you both for you kind words.. I didnt mean to thread jack
Thanks Gemma and good on you for sticking with your diet. You're right weight loss is a far bigger reward than chocolate. It's very boring when you're dieting especially if you have a family like mine who eat out a lot and lots of things we do seems to involve food. I need to change quite a lot of things in my life permanently to succeed. I totally understand that you don't want sex when you feel like this cos I'm the same it's just a chore, which I hate. Good luck with your diet . Your baby is beautiful.