back from the dead
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- back from the dead
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20/12/08 18:18
I think the past few posts have been a bit hard on the op. She obviously cares a lot or wouldnt have posted about it. Of course she would get a bit jittery about this. An underage girl texting her husband. Wether she trusts him 1000% is bound to make anyone uncomfortable. Innocent or not. Yes is sounds like the young girl has had a tough time but this has to be knocked on the head asap and told its not acceptable behaviour. Hope you work things out.
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20/12/08 18:01
I meant Mel, not jen!
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20/12/08 18:00
It seems to me Dcoop that Jen is the one who is having to deal with the fall out from it, thats why shes upset about it!
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20/12/08 11:23
JEN........id like to once again thankyou for your understanding ,KIND words and advice through this trying time.....
Excuse me but i tried to help you at the start but the more you go on the more you go on the more selfish you sound.
People are alloud to have their say, you never said 'friendly words only' in your first post, everyone has different views.
I am PMSL at the fact you put thanks for the help at this trying time,
Erm, wasnt she the one who lost her mum and now has no one? I dont see whats trying about this for you 
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19/12/08 22:26
just read that you said you wanted the subject ended so oops i posted again!
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19/12/08 22:25
i said sorry at the beginning of my post because i knew you may not like hearing other peoples opinions, i didn't want to offend you though, i was just saying how it seemed to me! i didn't start getting lairy with you though so theres no need for it really is there.
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19/12/08 15:17
ermmmm someone was having a go at me saying im selfish etc.......
anyways i know unfortunately on here u only get half a story and i know if u all knew the whole of it, you wouldnt be calling me selfish etc....................thnx jen ur right i do worry for this girl......we r hoping to see her this weekend or early next week.
end of subject now please folks.....jen will chat with ya on msn hun, xxxx
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19/12/08 12:06
Hi mel... nobody swore or was abusive to you, so you don't need to do it.
Bounty is a place where we come for advice yes...... but that doesn not mean that we will all give tha same advice.
It is when people start to get irrate like this that arguments start, you only had to say thanks to everyone, but that you didn't agree with what we had to say.
Nobody is trying to offend you in any way, just trying te give the full picture and asses the situation from every angle.
This is the exact way how threads get out of hand... one person post something and someone gets the hump and starts swearing.
Surely we are all mature enought to know that we won't all give the same advice.
Agree or disagree, that doesn not mean that we are right or wrong, we are still trying to help.
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19/12/08 10:52
Oh Mel. Thanks btw its nice to have someone who understands the situation slightly.
Im glad she's getting some help now and your df is seeing sense too.
As for those who've had a go at Mel, she's done nothing but worried about this girl, we can all sympathise that she lost her mum but acting the way she was was doing no one any good. From what i've read and heard she is craving the attention and obviously finding it horrendously difficult losing her mum and now to find out her guardian is possibly dying. Its something most of us wont be able to understand as we've mostly been lucky enough to not find ourselves in that situation. BUT Mel has done nothing but worry about this girl and try and get her df to see the problems with sd's behaviour and now hopefully theyre all going in the right direction.
(((hugs))) mel xx
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18/12/08 21:03
hey, it sounds like a really difficult situation. firstly from what you said originally about your oh acting differently when she txts i think this is because perhaps on a day to day basis he doesnt think about his ex, he lives his life but when she texts maybe reality hits.. i know if dh died and i moved on i would always love him and perhaps in the future would feel guilty for moving on. i wouldnt take that personally though and i can understand how hard it is for you. about the daughter, i think she perhaps has alot of issues, understandabley! but you are right she needs to understand that talking to someone who was potentially a father figure to her is wrong. the txt about her s***ging was her prob trying to be an adult. in general her behaviour is out of control and it seems like by going round have sex with boys she is looking for someone to "love" her and give her attention as maybe she hasnt go as much love an attention growing up recently without her mum. hope it all gets sorted its a horrible difficult situation for you all x -
18/12/08 20:59
oh and he no longers talks to her out of the room........he only did that cos HE didnt want to rub my nose in his past!!!!!!!
jesus dunno why im even justifying anything to you lot, i used to come on here n give n recieve advice and was overwhelmed by the warmth of everyone, but you past 3 posters have changed my opinion greatly.
oh and we r goin to be the support she needs through her gaurdians ilness and is going to be coming round regulary...
oh and pp, why say sorry before u attack someone verbally when you arent really sorry for attacking them??????
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18/12/08 20:52
FUKING HELL.................im not jealous of a kid, and i definately dont think there is anything goin on, and i definately trust my partner................u lot that have just basically had a go at me havent a bloody clue, my partner has infact agreed with me and so has her gaurdian that her behaviour isnt desireable and she has now actually confessed to liking my partner a bit more than she should so all my initial concerns are justified.......and im definately not fuking selfish.............i live my life for other people, making sure they r happy instead of me. so unless you know me id appreciate you keeping them kinda comments to yourself!!
she didnt come round the other night, through embarrassment not cos of me......
JEN........id like to once again thankyou for your understanding ,KIND words and advice through this trying time.....and am still about for you to bend my ear as often as you like
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18/12/08 18:10
sorry, op, but i think you sound incredibly selfish and jealous!
the poor girl's mum died and yeah ok she shouldn't be sending your partner things like that but you don't know how she thinks of him! it doesn't sound like she has had a close relationship with anyone really since the death of her mum so maybe that is what she is craving only she is going the wrong way about it!
also why are you so worried about your partner? don't you trust him? i'm not saying anything is going on but i find it insanely strange that he goes out the room and won't talk to her when you are around!
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18/12/08 09:40
dcoop.... exactly, on most websites like myspace and bebo there is allsorts of crap flooding around. I actually had some trouble on myspace about being a prostitute, my account was hacked and someone was having a laugh at my expense, but I didn't really bat an eye lid.
There must be some sort of a problem as like dcoop said it would never have been an issue unless you had brought it up.
If you trust your partner like you say you do then I don't see the problem. Where my partner worked for an all male mechanical services company, and when the male receptionist left they employed a woman. She had all the male collegues numbers in her phone and occasionally at (christmas and when she gave birth) he text her, and was friendly like he is with everyone.
She was always a little flirty with him, but I never had a problem with it even at 7 years his junior. In fact I liked the thought that other women found him attractive.
I can still understand that the issue you have is that she is a minor and that if anything had happened then he would have been breaking the law and be classed as a peodphile. But as you say he hasn'rtdone anything then what's the problem.
We could all probably grab hold of something like a text or an e mail and turn it around to look nasty and wrong, but what's the point, and look at all the trouble it has caused??
I think you need to look at how she is feeling. This poor girl is about to loose another person who has been very close to her, and all you are worried about is what the message 'LOOKS' like. Who cares.... delete the message and forget about it now. And help her to get the support she needs if you are not the right peron to do it.
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18/12/08 08:22
Its quite clear you have issues with her and dont like her around your dp so no wonder the poor girl didnt come round!!
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18/12/08 08:21
Why are you bothered about what other people might think? Unless your partner was showing people these messages no-one would know! From what you've put here, it seems like you are jealous. You dont like your partners past in your face!
I agree with kath, do you ever stop to thnk how she feels? She lost her mum ffs.
As for going out drinking and not telling someone where you are... isnt she doing what the majority of teenagers do
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17/12/08 10:35
Is her guardian a family member? Or a foster parent?
No wonder the girl has issues with her self and is going off the rails. he mum died and now the person who looks after her is dying too.
Anyone thought about how that is making her feel?
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17/12/08 10:35
Is her guardian a family member? Or a foster parent?
No wonder the girl has issues with her self and is going off the rails. he mum died and now the person who looks after her is dying too.
Anyone thought about how that is making her feel?
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16/12/08 22:47
cheers jen, and likewise with you, anytime u wanna chat im here .... xxx
kath....well its meant to be her gaurdian, but she got really bad health issues at mo ( possibly dying) so my partner ( after talking it thru with me) said he`ll invite her round more often so that she can get to know me etc, n then with my help he can advise her xxx
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16/12/08 14:49
Ah Mel i'm so glad it sounds like things are sorting out for you all hun. Even though it wasnt how you wanted it to work out but hopefully it will end somewhere you can all be happy. Will keep fingers crossed for you and i'm here anytime, you know its been nice to talk about things for me too so thanks hun xx
hi all,
just need to get something off my chest really....
my new partner had an ex who died of a heartattack 4/5 years ago......at the beginning he would talk about her and it wouldnt bother me, her daughter ( not his) would text every now n then n that wouldnt bother me.....but.....a couple of months ago she sent him a text on the anniversary of her death of a poem that she wrote about her feelings for my partner, i noticed his mood dropped n he was away with the fairies...i didnt know it was a text from her at this point....i asked what was up n he said nothing, so i left it, then he became a bit touchy in the evening so i asked what was up again, he then told me about the text, so i comforted him...as it still wasnt bothering me.......but now everytime she texts him his mood drops....shes gone from texting him every few weeks to now every other day.......trouble is his mood stays low for days at a time, n i getting fed up of it now..........his ex isnt a threat as she dead but i feel like im competing with her memory.....even tho he says he loves me etc.
she text last night again, to remind him it was her mums birthday tomorrow (today) once again his mood has gone downhill, he couldnt sleep last night either........the last time she text before last night, he started dreaming he was back with her, he said it felt real too, so i asked how it made him feel n he said he felt happy.
i feel awful but i wish her daughter would stop texting him but im not that horrible to ask him to say that to her as he was with her mum for 7 years.
another thing is when she rings he wont answer it, until hes at work or im out.....
sorry for the rant but needed to blurt it out somewhere
mel