think we're going to be here a little longer, the house i went to look at was only 2 bedroom not 3 like it said. lovely little house but i need 3 bedrooms.  pp we're lucky in a way as we have separate living rooms so only have to share a kitchen. i did speak to the council and we are on there list, if a house comes up we stand a good chance at getting one as no-one out of the area wants to live here(tiny village, no shops not a great bus service) but there's not many council houses so might be a bit of a wait. we have alot of esates around here that also rent house out on long term lets so going to call around in the morning.

that should be wasnt helping out not was

couldnt read and run on this one!

we lived with my MIL & FIL for about 6 months.  That was more than enough for me!

I love them both to bits they are great and couldnt want better inlaws but I think the problems start because everyone needs their own space.

I didnt like having to share everything and not being able to do what I wanted like I could in my own place. 

They would constantly nag about various things!

I would tidy up etc during the day as everyone was at work and sort meals on an evening (sometimes they would sit with us sometimes not)

My dd was about 2 at the time so toys strewn everywhere during the day and I would clean up at bedtime (6pm).  But that wasnt good enough although it was only toys and everything else was tidy.

I think tbh they want their own space but know they cant afford it.

Best thing to do would definately move out and force them into a situation of having to sell up and move.  Unfortunately when we lived with my inlaws it all came to a head in an arguement, we were all sitting round for a "family meeting" including family that didnt live there and making suggestions that I was doing enough to help out etc etc which was totally untrue, I was running myself down bending over backwards to help people!

We get on well enough now and they now have BIL, his girlfriend and baby living with them until they pay some debts and save money for their own place, Im just waiting for it to go t*ts up because quite frankly Im not sure if it ever works sharing with people! 

The worst thing is you are helping them out of a tricky financial situation and the thanks you get is being excluded from their daily life. What happens when they have to sell their house? Will you and your oh get a cut of the sale? The best thing for your own family is to get out as you will start to resent your oh if he ever takes their side in a argument. My dh didn't speak out when his mum said some not so nice things to me and it took quite a while for me to get over it. Your situation would be my idea of hell and much respect to you for lasting a year. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

I think your doing the right thing moving out, they are the ones being childish, and if they have got money worries then thats there problem, they are by the sounds of it using your and your dp to help there pockets whilst making you feel unwelcome at the same time. You will be fine in a rented house, as someone said work all your money out and make sure you can afford everything, one good thing with renting if theres any house repairs need doing you dont have to fork out for it the landlord will. Good luck x

We used to private rent. We had no problems but like PP make sure you do your sums and check out how much council tax etc is and that will be able to cover your bills.

On another positive note if any thing should happen the council would cover your rent they would in not help you pay his parents any thing in the way of rent to start with as it is family.

Also it will be better for you to be in a place where you can do what you like at what ever time of day or night.

Emma

Private rentings easy. Just make sure you have enough money for bills/rent etc, you'll be fine.

thanks for your replies, i have just had a look on right move and found a house in the next village to rent, just rang them up and i'm going to have a look sometime in the week just waiting for them to ring back. i'm just unsure about private renting as if anything goes wrong we will be stuck.

Well stop paying for your BIL mistake. Stop being taken for a ride and find some where just a little out of the area so you can just support your family not pay for both his parents and BIL to have a good time! I am all for helping your family but there are limits and you need to draw some.

Tell them you are going to have to pay less as you need to save for a deposite on your own house. You can not live with them for ever. Esp. as they are making you feel very unwanted.

We have had similar with DH's DD who is grown up her DH earns more than us a year yet she can't pay her bills so we helped, but she just used her money to buy a new phone, a DS, and other such nonsense. Help from us is now cut off as we have a small family of our own to support, putting food on the table was becoming a problem never mind new mobiles......................

Emma

 think they are taking us for a ride. i recently found out that we are paying more than half of there mortgage but i can't bring it up as i found out in a naughty way, lol

i think some of it maybe because thay had to carry bil and his family that they have now got here freedom. before they would do shopping for the whole house but me and dh buy our own. they put an extension on the house for bil as they were going to stay but got offered a house so they have extra bils now. i don't think it helps that bil is still so dependent on them. we can't even rent a place as the area we want has no house or are to expensive.

Maybe you are being taken for a ride. Paying for so much. 

If you do the house work and pay for so much and they treat you like that is it worth living there?

Could you not be using the money on a house or flat of your own.

I couldn't live with my inlaws or parents as an adult with a family it would be too much hard work!

Emma

Maybe you or you DP have annoyed them somehow, but they are being petty by being like this, its obvously making an uncomfortable atmosphere in the house. I think you need to sit them down, you and DP and both the in-laws and all be totally honest. Ask them if you've done something wrong, all air your views and then come to some sort of agreement. Its possible you've done something without realising it, but they really should say rather than act like this because its not fair.

Failing that you may  just have to accept that despite living under the same roof your going to have to live seperate lives. But this works towards them as well, they cant expect to take your food and milk etc but keep their own to themselves, and have you cook for them but not return the favour. Again this needs to be talked about and agreed, you either need to all share everything, or all provide and use your own things. Good luck, it must be hard x

The best thing to do is look for another place. They have moved all their stuff into their room so you can't use it but use the stuff you buy...............

They make food for every one in the house but you and your kids.

They have no interest in your children etc.

Do you really want to stay where you are not wanted?

Why not look at what you might be able to get, leave estate agent summeries of houses in the livingroom. If they really need you there they will buck their ideas up. If they can't afford such a big house on their own they should down size!

Emma

emns2004. if we were taking advantage of them i would understand but we pay our way, half of everything plus we have paid for then to fence their garden. i do almost all of the huse work. they said when bil lived here they didn't pay sod all and there owed so much money from them.

we've been with them nearly a year. they want us to stay if we move thay will have to sell their house. before we moved in bil his wife and kids lived here for 3 years and they were never like this with them. they now live across the road and inlaws are only really interested in them, they don't really bother with our kids but will drop everything for bils. if we could afford to buy a place we would.

Maybe they feel that you are taking advantage and are trying to push you both out.

But it would surely make things easier if they just said so.

Is there any chance you could get some where of your own?

Emma

How long have you been with your in laws?  Wot does oh say about it all.  Seems like they may be getting fed up with you guys. what age are your lo's? Maybe its time to think about moving

Or have a chat with them

hi, this may be long so sorry first.

i live with my inlaws and its really starting to affect me, they seem to be doing as much as they can to push us out. it started with silly things like them buying bits and peices and hiding them in there room. then they bought their own fridge for their room which was meant to be for keeping drinks in. slowly over time they have started moving food into it. then fil bought a kettle and keeps t-bags sugar and a kettle in their room and have bought their own milk.(i wouldn't be so bothered but they will use the stuff we have bought thats in the fridge in the kitchen but never put any of their stuff in it so we buy the milk ect and they use theirs when there's no-one else about) then mil bought an as her old one won't heat and hidden it in her bedroom. and the last thing thats really upset me was when dh was at work they had a family meal and me and the kids were'nt even asked if we wanted any. i will always cook for them when i'm doing a meal. and one other is that fil has started washing his own things up but will leaves ours even if its just a cup. i know this may sound really petty and childish but its the little things that mount up over time.