I was kind of in the same situation as you. My partner was forever putting me down and the kids. We had a big family holiday in Oct and family were gobsmacked at how he was with us and it gave me a wake up call. Also having my ds1 who is 6 ask me why his Daddy hates him. So for now until I'm ready and believe that he has changed, the boys and I are living at my Mum and Dad's house. It has been 4 weeks so far and he knows we are still going to be here at Xmas.

Maybe you should do what I have done and just have a break and start dating again? It might work. I have been with my OH for nearly 8 yrs now and 2 weeks ago was the 1st time I have EVER seen him a broken man in tears. I think he is trying his hardest to change but like I said I'm not going back til I'm 250% sure.

Good luck with whatever you choose hun xx

Hey hunnie! i just had to reply as i know exactly how your feeling my marraige is very similaer and its been going on for 2 years now and i cant take anymore my hubby has said he dont love me but people keep thinking we should make it work! well ive been trying but its like flogging a dead horse. No marriage can survive without the closeness and a loving touch which i what i dont get anymore. We have decided tp spilt after xmas and whats upseeting me is that he not bothered!! i cant stop crying and he just looks at me with no emotion i hate him for it. You only get once life and like what another poster said one day you'll wake up in 20yrs time when the lo have left home and still be miserable!! be strong and go for it!

just to fill you in a bit more.. We have spoke numerous times about this problem, and i think the main thing i wanted in the beginning was just to have my hubby lovingly touch me in the way he used to..like to let me know he was here and that he cared,you know the kinda sweet touch that you sometimes get from/give to your partner whether it be on the shoulder,leg ect..where ever. I really dont expect him to turn into superman... i don't expect him to get up in the night with bubs now as i am capable of doing it,but in the first few weeks when she was born i was in so much pain because i had had my 5th section and my scar got infected and i was sterilised at the same time so i could barely move so i wanted or more needed help then and i think if he cared he would have helped,he has definately lost his caring/considerate side.

As for feb. (it was meant to say 2 0 0 8 not 2007sorry my fault) the only reason i know for sure we had probs then is cos i done this really sweet thing on valentines days and got this big box of balloons and a teddy bear delivered to our home for him and all i got for that was an "oh thanks!"..that really hurt. but i know things had changed b4 then just no sure when.

We keep talking and he keeps saying he knows he loves me and he dont want us to break up...but i need to know too that he loves me and i havent felt like that for ages. Making love and closeness is the glue to a relationship...when that dies,so does the love..i think i love him but i am pretending to myself that i dont so when we break up it wont hurt so much.

Is it possible the excuses are because he feels a failure in bed and doesn't want to take the pills because that would mean admiting an even bigger failure that he can't get it up with out pills! Have you thought how you would feel in his shoes?

You say he went off you when you were pregnant with your last child once you knew it was a girl. Although that isn't your fault he must have wanted a boy. I really don't understand why he didn't support you through the birth or after. I can only assume he is desperate for a boy and you now can't give him one. He is dissapointed with you and LO. If this is the case he needs to be honest with you and work through his feelings.

It is also possible he's hoping you throw him out then he can get off scot free and start again as you chucked him out not his fault!

There is no easy way to end a relationship, it takes guts!

Emma

Have you actually looked at your relationship impartially? Hard as it is to do, you didnt say anything about how much youve tried, how much youve both agreed to do (or what you agreed to do) or even whether you agreed to councilling or anything like that. It does seem, from the tone of your post that you seem to be want to be married to superman. You want him to work full time then come home, see to the kids, give you a right good seeing to and be up in the night with lo. I don't really think thats fair if thats what your saying, but please, don't think i'm saying its all your fault. I'm not, im just trying to see everything from all angles, (which means the op has to come back and give more info.)

But having said that, i can see things from your side, too. When my eldest was born, i worked a 60 hour week, and then came home, saw to him in the evening, all through the night and then got up and went back to work again. I had to take time off to see to him because my wife had anxiety problems after his birth which in the end resulted in me packing my job in to take care of them both. Since then we have had another lo, and things have changed. Now my wife goes to work, and i stay home and get up in the night, etc, so things are different, and much more satisfying. But, my point is, you may need to change things around. Maybe he needs a couple of weeks off work while you take some time out to see how hard you have it, and maybe you need to get some marriage councilling. Either way, dont give up so easily, (and yes, i know nearly two years isnt easy) but you dont seem to have tried very hard to do anything but complain since feb 07.

Either way, good luck with what ever you decide.

i think you should discuss it with him to be honest.  at least tell him you are leaving and why.  you can't just run off with his kids it's not fair even if he is a s*** dad.

Hi hunny, alls i will say is you only live once!! Please don't hang around and wake up in 20 years time when all your children have left home and your still stuck in a loveless marriage. It is going to be the hardest thing you ever did and with 6 children harder still but you get one shot at this life thing so try and be happy!! Good luck hun, and maybe if you ask him to leave so you can stay in the house with your little ones he might be relieved, just maybe he is feeling the same as you and and he can't make the jump first?? Hope you get through this, thinking of you xx

 please help,long story but i need help...Been with hubby since 1999,married since 2001 i have three children DD,DD,DS from previous and me and hubby have 3 DD's of our own.... Since becoming preggers with our last DD well i think it started when we found out bubs was a girl (feb 0 and i had to be sterilised at delivery(5th c-section) our marriage is just poop,he didnt come in the operating room,i had to call my sis outta work to be my birth partner,he never woke in the night with me and bubs even though i was in sooo much pain it hurt to sit up/get outta bed and get bubs from crib,he has never changed her nappy... our intimate side has died and gone to heaven, we barely ever hug,kiss touch.....he dont even notice me,i only get a peck when he goes out the house and sometimes at bed time if he aint hit the pillow snoring,which most times he has,he is always moaning every night in bed of tummy ache he's always falling asleep on the sofa...he went to GP a while back for tests cos he was not working downstairs right and all was clear so GP gave him Viagra which is still tucked up untouched in his drawers i have been putting up with this since feb 08 and even though we have talked,cried,shouted ect.. over the same thing,we say things will change but it never changes i havent felt any love from him in months and months. i am started to feel now that when we do kiss it dont feel right,like im kissing a mate or summat and i dont know how i love him any more cos i dont feel like i love him like he's my hubby...i've had enough now and with 6 children youngest is only 17 weeks..i need better than this...how do i get him to leave without him getting upset? i keep thinking about taking my kids and going into a hostel when he is at work so he cant stop me and i wont see him upset,i cant even turn to family or mates as they dont know and i feel to embarrassed to tell them.